Random thoughts

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JamesVincent
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Random thoughts

Post by JamesVincent »

I wanted to start a thread to post just random thoughts, kinda like the old SNL? skit. I'll start with one I had the other day.
Why does 3 minutes feel like an eternity when you're waiting for the coffee pot?
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

Why does time slow down as a vacation approaches, and then accelerate for the duration of the vacation?
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wserra
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by wserra »

Why isn't the Theory of Relativity "time slows down when you spend it with relatives"?
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by The Dog »

Or as the great man himself put it:
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/370132 ... r-a-minute
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Number Six »

Why do you never get the incisive advice when you need it, but only perfect hindsight with all the "I told you so" when you were not really told, or "it was your own fault...."? Or when you are asking advice the wrong person always chimes in with offensive banter? And those are going to be the people at your funeral joking about how the guy or girl was their own worst enemy....
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by NYGman »

If you buy a bed on layaway, do you get to sleep in the store?
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Famspear »

If you're not dismayed, disgruntled, disgusted, or disturbed -- if you're just as happy as a clam -- does that mean that you're mayed, gruntled, gusted, and turbed?
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wserra
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by wserra »

For folks who speak Spanish:

Se oye en una bodega: ¿Si tienes papa frita, porqué no tienes mama frita?
"A wise man proportions belief to the evidence."
- David Hume
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

wserra wrote:For folks who speak Spanish:

Se oye en una bodega: ¿Si tienes papa frita, porqué no tienes mama frita?
When I lived in Puerto Rico, I used to eat lunch, from time to time, in a small eatery which advertised their french fries in just that way -- it was their way of saying "large" or "medium".
They had "niña frita" for the small size.
"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert, Dover, PA, during an attempt to introduce creationism -- er, "intelligent design", into the Dover Public Schools
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Judge Roy Bean »

Why is it called "lobster sauce" when there's no lobster in it?
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

If corn oil is made from corn, and fish oil is made from fish, what is used to make baby oil?
"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert, Dover, PA, during an attempt to introduce creationism -- er, "intelligent design", into the Dover Public Schools
AndyK
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by AndyK »

Along that line; what are the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies? Soylent green?
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Fmotlgroupie »

AndyK wrote:Along that line; what are the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies? Soylent green?
I was told Soylent Green tasted terrible, but I've found it varies from person to person.
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

Who put the benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine?
"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert, Dover, PA, during an attempt to introduce creationism -- er, "intelligent design", into the Dover Public Schools
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webhick
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by webhick »

Judge Roy Bean wrote:Why is it called "lobster sauce" when there's no lobster in it?
I have a similar issue with clam juice.
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Cpt Banjo »

Why is every Tom, Dick, and Harry named John?
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by noblepa »

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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noblepa
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by noblepa »

Why, when you've lost something, do you always find it in the last place you look?
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

noblepa wrote:Why, when you've lost something, do you always find it in the last place you look?
There's a classic Boy Scout skit in which a Scout is intensely studying the ground near a blazing campfire (of course, at night). A group of Scouts comes along and asks him what he is doing; and the first Scout replies that he has lost his pocket knife and is searching for it. Since A Scout is Helpful, the other Scouts join in the search, to no avail.

After a few minutes, one Scout asks the first Scout "are you sure that you lost your knife here?" The first Scout replies "no -- I lost it in the (pitch black) woods over there." The second Scout then replies, in an exasperated tone, "so why the heck are we looking for the knife over here?" The first Scout replies "because the light is better, over here."

The other Scouts then chase him into the woods, ending the skit.
"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert, Dover, PA, during an attempt to introduce creationism -- er, "intelligent design", into the Dover Public Schools
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Pottapaug1938
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Re: Random thoughts

Post by Pottapaug1938 »

Hard work pays off someday. Lazy pays off NOW.
"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert, Dover, PA, during an attempt to introduce creationism -- er, "intelligent design", into the Dover Public Schools