Montana TP convicted

[Demosthenes]

Ronan man found guilty of tax fraud
By the Associated Press

HELENA - A federal jury found a Ronan man guilty of three counts tax fraud for failing to pay taxes or file returns for three years, starting in 2000.

Rolan Becker, 58, was released on his own recognizance after Thursday's verdict was announced, but he can't have a passport and must check in with a probation officer weekly until he is sentenced in September.

Becker owes about $30,000 in back taxes, not including interest and penalties, prosecutors said.

During the three-day trial in U.S. District Court, Becker's attorney, Lowell Becraft Jr., didn't dispute that his client didn't pay taxes. Instead, he argued that his client read books, listened to tapes and attended seminars in which he was told that tax laws didn't apply to him and he believed what he heard.

That belief meant that Becker was acting in good faith when he didn't pay the taxes or file the returns in 2000, 2001 and 2002, Becraft argued, saying his client didn't have the criminal intent needed to convict him of tax evasion.

But prosecutor Kris McLean with the U.S. attorney's office said Becker filed false W-4 forms with the Internal Revenue Service so that he wouldn't have federal taxes withheld from his paycheck and conveyed his home and vehicles to limited liability corporations so they could not be seized to pay back taxes.

“There's no reason to file false W-4 forms unless you're planning to evade taxes,” McLean said. “The defendant actually walked into an IRS office and told them, ‘I'm not going to file any tax returns because I don't owe taxes.' ”

“He hid his assets, created trusts and limited liability corporations and layers of paperwork. That's not the conduct of a person acting in good faith - that's a person with something to hide. It's the conduct of a person trying to willfully not pay taxes,” McLean said.

[Joey Smith]

Has anybody ever done a statistical breakdown of Becraft's percentage success rate? It has to be right down there with the average soccer score, hockey score, or number of people who still believe anything Dick Cheney says.

[Doktor Avalanche]

Has anybody ever done a statistical breakdown of Becraft's percentage success rate? It has to be right down there with the average soccer score, hockey score, or number of people who still believe anything Dick Cheney says.

I know it's slightly lower than the number of people who buy Elvis commemorative plates.

[webhick]

Has anybody ever done a statistical breakdown of Becraft's percentage success rate? It has to be right down there with the average soccer score, hockey score, or number of people who still believe anything Dick Cheney says.

I know it's slightly lower than the number of people who buy Elvis commemorative plates.

Those plates were the best idea to come out of the Paper Crumpling office on the 60th floor of the Illuminati Headquarters.

If you lick them and then stare out your back window for twenty minutes without blinking, the squirrels that live in your attic will start doing the Macarena on your windowsill and then start pummeling the neighborhood kids will field mice. Viva Macarena!

If you lick them and then hyperventilate for 90 minutes straight, you'll dream of the little plastic Lego dudes doing a Chippendale's striptease.

If you sleep with them at night, you'll awaken with uncontrollable seizures. Yes, that's right, all those threats the IRS has been making that you were ignoring will finally come to pass.

If you take them in the shower with you, the water will turn blue and you will start smelling like a men's urinal.

If you play Frisbee with them with your dog, you will need to feed him uppers to get him up in the morning, downers to get him to sleep at night, and he will eat nothing but pan-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. And if you don't feed it to him, he will howl Elvis' greatest hits ALL NIGHT LONG. He'll also be immune to rabies and no longer fall for that cruel thing you do when you're playing catch (don't act like you never pretend to throw the ball. Don't!). It has been reported that some dogs gain the ability to recite the USC. Backwards. We're working on reversing that.

YMMV.

[Doktor Avalanche]

Has anybody ever done a statistical breakdown of Becraft's percentage success rate? It has to be right down there with the average soccer score, hockey score, or number of people who still believe anything Dick Cheney says.

I know it's slightly lower than the number of people who buy Elvis commemorative plates.

Those plates were the best idea to come out of the Paper Crumpling office on the 60th floor of the Illuminati Headquarters.

If you lick them and then stare out your back window for twenty minutes without blinking, the squirrels that live in your attic will start doing the Macarena on your windowsill and then start pummeling the neighborhood kids will field mice. Viva Macarena!

If you lick them and then hyperventilate for 90 minutes straight, you'll dream of the little plastic Lego dudes doing a Chippendale's striptease.

If you sleep with them at night, you'll awaken with uncontrollable seizures. Yes, that's right, all those threats the IRS has been making that you were ignoring will finally come to pass.

If you take them in the shower with you, the water will turn blue and you will start smelling like a men's urinal.

If you play Frisbee with them with your dog, you will need to feed him uppers to get him up in the morning, downers to get him to sleep at night, and he will eat nothing but pan-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. And if you don't feed it to him, he will howl Elvis' greatest hits ALL NIGHT LONG. He'll also be immune to rabies and no longer fall for that cruel thing you do when you're playing catch (don't act like you never pretend to throw the ball. Don't!). It has been reported that some dogs gain the ability to recite the USC. Backwards. We're working on reversing that.

YMMV.

Are you accepting applications?

[Imalawman]

I know it's slightly lower than the number of people who buy Elvis commemorative plates.

Those plates were the best idea to come out of the Paper Crumpling office on the 60th floor of the Illuminati Headquarters.

If you lick them and then stare out your back window for twenty minutes without blinking, the squirrels that live in your attic will start doing the Macarena on your windowsill and then start pummeling the neighborhood kids will field mice. Viva Macarena!

If you lick them and then hyperventilate for 90 minutes straight, you'll dream of the little plastic Lego dudes doing a Chippendale's striptease.

If you sleep with them at night, you'll awaken with uncontrollable seizures. Yes, that's right, all those threats the IRS has been making that you were ignoring will finally come to pass.

If you take them in the shower with you, the water will turn blue and you will start smelling like a men's urinal.

If you play Frisbee with them with your dog, you will need to feed him uppers to get him up in the morning, downers to get him to sleep at night, and he will eat nothing but pan-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. And if you don't feed it to him, he will howl Elvis' greatest hits ALL NIGHT LONG. He'll also be immune to rabies and no longer fall for that cruel thing you do when you're playing catch (don't act like you never pretend to throw the ball. Don't!). It has been reported that some dogs gain the ability to recite the USC. Backwards. We're working on reversing that.

YMMV.

Are you accepting applications?

We're all just trying to figure out what Webhick is on, so we can get some too. She keeps her stash locked away in her special illuminati safe.

[The Observer]

I don't care what you find out about her - she still ain't getting her stapler back.

[webhick]

Are you accepting applications?

We are always looking for Interns with a high threshold for humility and pain. An application or resume is not necessary. We don't really care what you're qualified for or who your references are. Benefits include health, life, and dental insurance. But they don't kick in until your six month probationary period is over. You seem nice, so I feel obligated to tell you that the only intern that ever made it past the six month probationary period only made it because we were testing a new cryogenic/Popsicle making device and we couldn't thaw his carcass out for two years. And then he was terminated immediately. He only had one task - to stay alive until we thawed him out - and he failed to do it. Pitiful.

[webhick]

I like her!

Good to see that mind control chip hasn't turned your brain into Ramen noodles. You may want to seek an upgrade though. We didn't build subtlety into the chip until V4, so you are clearly at least a version behind.

But there is certain information that needs to be ferreted out about her.

I have a Death by Curiosity gun. It'll help you with that little problem of yours. And it makes a great brownie.

[webhick]

I don't care what you find out about her - she still ain't getting her stapler back.

My arch enemy returns...

[webhick]

The only chip in my head is a nice Hawaiian style potato chip and that is only a temporary situation at best........ Heck, I don't even have a chip on my shoulder.

The chip prevents against awareness. Do me a favor and stop by the Salvation Army on your way home from work and tell them that "Skippy isn't allowed to do that in the army". They'll take you into the back room and get you straightened out.

You may have your weaponry, and I have mine - such as this fine quality Blamethrower and an ancient recipe for Martinis of Truth.

The BlameThrower was recalled in January due to a rule violation in R&D. Namely that you can't put two opposing functions into a gun that is not marked as Multi-Purpose. The rule stems from a trend in development where the two opposing functions would randomly reverse. This results in the BlameThrower occasionally and without warning pelting the victim with Martinis. And sometimes when you want the Martini, you end up drowning the bartender in your sorrows.

Besides, the hot item on the market right now is the Guilt Slinger (which also makes popcorn). It looks like Tickle Me Elmo and giggles and dances every time you fire. You can imagine where the popcorn comes out.