Devil's Alternative - Round II

[The Observer]

It’s time for another exciting episode of “Devil’s Alternative”, the Quatloosian game where we stick you in a thankless, hopeless situation with tax protestors. The last time we played, the question involved which hapless TP you would pick to act as your attorney defending you in a banana republic’s kangaroo court. This round the question has been (somewhat) reversed:

You are an attorney practicing in the judicial district of Eastern Michigan and on this particular grim day you are in a courtroom under the Southern Division. You’ve had a bad morning (argument with the spouse, kid spilled oatmeal on the case briefs which you were hastily reading at the table, got a speeding ticket on the way to court) and during a hotly contested battle with the opposing attorney over a motion, you uncharacteristically erupt in a tirade in front of the judge – who happens to be worst judge in the entire circuit in terms of tolerating that kind of behaviour in their courtroom.

Your worst fears are confirmed as the judge slaps you with a contempt of court penalty of 6 months in the slammer. Over the years that particular incarceration unit has developed a reputation for having the most hard-boiled wingnuts from the Upper Peninsula, along with the other traditional felons. You immediately (and literally) fall on your knees and beg for whatever iota of mercy that may be accidentally residing in the judge’s soul at the moment. A strange smile slowly grows over the jurist’s face and he advises you that there is an alternative punishment that could be considered by the court. You shudder in a sudden moment of clarity and foresight, but before you can stop him from uttering those horrible words, he announces the alternative sentence: Peter Hendrickson is again in need of a court-appointed attorney (the last one committed suicide by pulling every single hair out of his body at the same time); since every other attorney within 5,000 miles of Michigan has refused to take the case, this is the only remedy to providing him with his constitutional right to an attorney.

[Nikki]

The job of defending Pete would be over long before the six-month jail term would have ended.

Pete would insist on filing yet another cockamamie pleading which, if you went along with it, would place you at risk of serious sanctions. He would refuse to accept your advice and demand to file more of his gibberish.

There would be a short, in chambers session with the judge regarding the hostile, non-cooperative client, and you'd be back in business for yourself again.

[wserra]

For any lawyer who has actually done substantial court-appointed defense work, this isn't much of a question. I mean, I've been assigned to represent mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Well, really, I've represented accused rapists, child molesters, murderers, terrorists, rustlers, cutthroats, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists, in addition to one moving violation.

Hendrickson? No problem. "Oh, that's the way you want to go? Sure. Just get used to the view."

[GoldandSilverEagles]

I'm shocked that I'm actually agreeing with the three of you on something!

Perhaps it's part of coming down from the LDS I dropped last night while watching reruns of the Golden Girls.

[Cpt Banjo]

Perhaps it's part of coming down from the LDS I dropped last night while watching reruns of the Golden Girls.

You dropped a Mormon?

[GoldandSilverEagles]

Perhaps it's part of coming down from the LDS I dropped last night while watching reruns of the Golden Girls.

You dropped a Mormon?

Now, repeat after me in this sing-a-long..."Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life...."

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

Perhaps it's part of coming down from the LDS I dropped last night while watching reruns of the Golden Girls.

You dropped a Mormon?

Hopefully from a great height.

[GoldandSilverEagles]

Goal posts, goal posts. Drop kicking is a very old method of kicking field goals and extra points in a football game. All but given up by the 1930s, the last person to get any points via a drop kick was (and I may very well be wrong about this) Doug Flutie.

Thank you. Correction made. I told you I'm still coming down. lol

[ASITStands]

Goal posts, goal posts. Drop kicking is a very old method of kicking field goals and extra points in a football game. All but given up by the 1930s, the last person to get any points via a drop kick was (and I may very well be wrong about this) Doug Flutie.

Thank you. Correction made. I told you I'm still coming down. lol

I'm interested. You did understand the difference between LDS and LSD?

[ASITStands]

For any lawyer who has actually done substantial court-appointed defense work, this isn't much of a question. I mean, I've been assigned to represent mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Well, really, I've represented accused rapists, child molesters, murderers, terrorists, rustlers, cutthroats, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh*t-kickers, and Methodists, in addition to one moving violation.

Hendrickson? No problem. "Oh, that's the way you want to go? Sure. Just get used to the view."

I'm interested in the Methodists. What was the crime? Not being an LDS?

[ASITStands]

I agree with the idea of defending Hendrickson for two reasons.

Every accused needs a defense attorney, and like others, I believe it would be cut short for one reason or another. In addition, it might be possible to talk some sense into him. Not!

EDIT: A few tax deniers sober up and get serious once confronted with an indictment.

[GoldandSilverEagles]

Goal posts, goal posts. Drop kicking is a very old method of kicking field goals and extra points in a football game. All but given up by the 1930s, the last person to get any points via a drop kick was (and I may very well be wrong about this) Doug Flutie.

Thank you. Correction made. I told you I'm still coming down. lol

I'm interested. You did understand the difference between LDS and LSD?

What difference???? As previously mentioned, I'm coming down from LDS. In regards to how much I dropped, it may takes days b4 I'm sanely coherent again. lol

i'll drop you a post card after my feet hit the ground. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

[grixit]

Cause the man on the right was on the left
And the man in the middle was on the right
And the man on the left was in the middle
And the man in the rear...

Was a methodist!

[Paul]

I thought the punchline was, "Shoot the lawyer twice and make sure he's dead."

Which might be my response as a lawyer if "invited" to defend one of these clowns.

[Cpt Banjo]

Cause the man on the right was on the left
And the man in the middle was on the right
And the man on the left was in the middle
And the man in the rear...

Was a methodist!

Ah, that great Johnny Cash song.

Btw, The Devil's Alternative is a dynamite thriller novel by Frederick Forsyth. I've always wondered why no one's made it into a movie.