Quatloos!

Very tentatively, I am planning on descending upon the fair Isle of Great Britain Saturday, 23 December, 2018. There are a lot of ifs in that date, not the least of which is the availability of Liz Hurley and Helena Bonham Carter.

But we have made arrangements with Hawkmoor's, which is the important thing. Knowing where to get a good steak is half the battle when going to England.

Gregg wrote:Very tentatively, I am planning on descending upon the fair Isle of Great Britain Saturday, 23 December, 2018. There are a lot of ifs in that date, not the least of which is the availability of Liz Hurley and Helena Bonham Carter.

Well, if those two aren't available, you could look up Hannah Shotbolt.

Gregg wrote:Very tentatively, I am planning on descending upon the fair Isle of Great Britain Saturday, 23 December, 2018. There are a lot of ifs in that date, not the least of which is the availability of Liz Hurley and Helena Bonham Carter.

But we have made arrangements with Hawkmoor's, which is the important thing. Knowing where to get a good steak is half the battle when going to England.

Well, you may have bigger problems if the FOTLers finally convince the Barons to declare lawful rebellion while you are there.

Pottapaug1938 wrote:

Gregg wrote:Very tentatively, I am planning on descending upon the fair Isle of Great Britain Saturday, 23 December, 2018. There are a lot of ifs in that date, not the least of which is the availability of Liz Hurley and Helena Bonham Carter.

Well, if those two aren't available, you could look up Hannah Shotbolt.

Comments like that are the reason for The War of 1812.

Gregg wrote:

Pottapaug1938 wrote:

Gregg wrote:Very tentatively, I am planning on descending upon the fair Isle of Great Britain Saturday, 23 December, 2018. There are a lot of ifs in that date, not the least of which is the availability of Liz Hurley and Helena Bonham Carter.

Well, if those two aren't available, you could look up Hannah Shotbolt.

Comments like that are the reason for The War of 1812.

The 1859 Pig War was triggered for less cause;

On June 15, 1859, exactly thirteen years after the adoption of the Oregon Treaty, the ambiguity led to direct conflict. Lyman Cutlar, an American farmer who had moved onto the island claiming rights to live there under the Donation Land Claim Act, found a large black pig rooting in his garden. He had found the pig eating his tubers. This was not the first occurrence. Cutlar was so upset that he took aim and shot the pig, killing it. It turned out that the pig was owned by an Irishman, Charles Griffin, who was employed by the Hudson's Bay Company to run the sheep ranch. He also owned several pigs that he allowed to roam freely. The two had lived in peace until this incident. Cutlar offered $10 to Griffin to compensate for the pig, but Griffin was unsatisfied with this offer and demanded $100. Following this reply, Cutlar believed he should not have to pay for the pig because the pig had been trespassing on his land. (A probably apocryphal story claims Cutlar said to Griffin, "It was eating my potatoes." Griffin replied, "It is up to you to keep your potatoes out of my pig.") When British authorities threatened to arrest Cutlar, American settlers called for military protection.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_War_(1859)#The_pig

Burnaby49 wrote:

On June 15, 1859, exactly thirteen years after the adoption of the Oregon Treaty, the ambiguity led to direct conflict. Lyman Cutlar, an American farmer who had moved onto the island claiming rights to live there under the Donation Land Claim Act, found a large black pig rooting in his garden.

But as a pig farmer I must ask was it a Large Black
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Black_pig
or a Berkshire?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berkshire_pig
I suspect it was actually a Berkshire given the way they were farmed at the time and it's certainly worth starting a war over. Side note - the Berkshire pig is considered the "royal pig", and commands a very hefty premium. We just happen to have roughly 50% of the berks in the world at a single farm and run a nice little business sending their meat by air freight fresh to the Far East.

I should have known to steer away from any mention of hogs.

May need to outfit the squadron with these for the trip, giving UK and December

NYGman wrote:May need to outfit the squadron with these for the trip, giving UK and December

When we lived in New York, our labradoodle had red snow booties to keep the salt off her paws. Women in the elevator would sometimes envy the color.

Burnaby49 wrote:I should have known to steer away from any mention of hogs.

I apologize, it was just that yesterday I was doing one of my regular health checks on a lovely old gentleman. 1500 pounds of terror who breaks things and injures workers if not handled properly but a pussycat who loves skittles and has a nicotine addiction. A mixture of Duroc/Berkshire/Large White that I've raised since a little piglet who always gives me a gap toothed grin to say hello and thinks that being affectionate is to lean all his weight against me. He's short one tusk since I had to perform emergency dentistry on him with the aid of a 5 pound drifting sledge. Poor old bugger should really be euthanized but he's such a virile boar and tries so hard it would break my heart to put him down.

Mod note, cross posted from the OPPT Trust Thread, where Bill Ferguson is begging donations to attend HATJ's sentencing and cover her prison commissary tab

I'm going to England next year, but I need your help, Quatloos Family! I genuinely want to hang out in Swinging London, with a hot redhead, plying her with drink and attention and purely to help you but alas, I'm currently skint broke. You see, I could get a job, but that's just boring. Getting a job would take up A LOT of my free time, and if I'm forced to spend all that time earning a living, I won't be able to properly plan my UK Tour and the victim in that case would be all of us. Besides, packing up and popping off to England is expensive!
Did you know that 2 first class tickets from Detroit to Heathrow are upwards of $6,000? I mean, that's just the the main trip. My travelling companion will have to come to Detroit from the east coast and that's $500. Then, once we get there, the Keith Richards Suite at my favorite Oxford Street Hotel is £920 a night (that's like a million bucks in real money) and I'll need to be there for at least a week. That total doesn't include the minibar, in room porn, room service or the damages.
Then there's the Bar Tab, which you'd think should be negligible since I don't drink in America but it's like a whole other country where I can assure you I do. Glenlivet 1964 Reserve is $150 a shot and I drink it like water. Also, food and stuff is pretty expensive in London compared to rural Ohio, Pennsylvania or Detroit where I usually eat. I'm not even going to try to estimate the expenses for Hookers and Blow that always pop up in a trip like this....
So you see, I need your help. If you want to support this kindly humanitarian mission, a mission that will help usher in a new age of understanding among all people and galactics, send you contribution to:

The George Washington's Revenge Holistic Hedonistic Heros UK Tour
c/o
The Chili Dog Tax Exempt Pupperoni and Retirement Fund Trust
Well Armed Bunker Complex, Department Q
Illuminati Headquarters
Argillite, Kentucky 41121

Gregg wrote:Did you know that 2 first class tickets from Detroit to Heathrow are upwards of $6,000? I mean, that's just the the main trip.

You're the Supreme Commander of the Imperial Illuminati Air Force, and you're asking for funds for commercial air travel?

Just whistle up a VIP transport bird (or aeroplane, since this is a British thread).

You'd think, eh?

But there are a few things wrong with that plan.
1) It would be a shameless exploitation of my official duties and station to use Illuminati assets for personal travel
2) The aircraft of the Imperial Illuminati Air Force are Military Aircraft and as such, do not have First Class accommodations, and I don't ever travel "peasant class"
3) They're all helicopters, and would run out of fuel somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic, which would suck.
4) Have you ever been on an International flight with a planeload of Dachshunds?

Can't be worse than a planeload of screaming children.

Burnaby49 wrote: ↑Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:32 am Can't be worse than a planeload of screaming children.

It can if you let the Dachshunds drive the plane.

Gregg wrote: ↑Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:56 am You'd think, eh?

But there are a few things wrong with that plan.
1) It would be a shameless exploitation of my official duties and station to use Illuminati assets for personal travel
2) The aircraft of the Imperial Illuminati Air Force are Military Aircraft and as such, do not have First Class accommodations, and I don't ever travel "peasant class"
3) They're all helicopters, and would run out of fuel somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic, which would suck.
4) Have you ever been on an International flight with a planeload of Dachshunds?

C'mon, now.

I'm just the Lord High Executioner, in the Boston Chapter; but when I travel on recreational business, I use Imperial Illuminati Airlines. The interior accommodations would make Xanadu look like a homeless shelter; and when I fly -- can you imagine a cabin staff where everyone resembles Zooey Deschanel, Isla Fisher or Charlize Theron?

While you're at it, would you please tell me how I can join the Illuminati? I'd like to be among the winners, for a change.

fortinbras wrote: ↑Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:30 pm While you're at it, would you please tell me how I can join the Illuminati? I'd like to be among the winners, for a change.

If you have to ask, you're disqualified.

Okay kids, its been long delayed, but subject to a few things, I might just hop across the pond for Christmas this year, arriving Heathrow on Christmas Eve and going immediately to Windsor to share a sacrificed virgin with Her Majesty, the Queen.

As you recall, Her Majesty (after this referred to as "Liz") always greets me when I attend Great Britain and Christmas is just special in the private apartments.

So, even though the current state of travel has made it quite affordable to come, its still pretty steep for a one armed transmission mechanic from Argillite. I am accepting invitations for people who want to buy me drinks or meals!

If you don't have time or the inclination to meet me at your local pub or the Keith Richards Suite at the Amba Hotel Marble Arch, you can contribute to:

The George Washington's Revenge Holistic Hedonistic Heros UK Tour
c/o
The Chili Dog Tax Exempt Pupperoni and Retirement Fund Trust
Well Armed Bunker Complex, Department Q
Illuminati Headquarters
Argillite, Kentucky 41121

Seriously, I want to maybe get up north for a day in liddypool or drop by and scope out the repossessed home of Tom Crawford before he gets it back. I also am keen to really go to Windsor Castle, even if the Queen doesn't want to come offer me the run of the place, I'm sure there are tours. The Tower of London would be nice to see again, and if you want to go there I'll pay your admission, because I need someone to go with me for that, I'm not good at steps.
What else? Oh yes, I have never seen the HMS Victory, another place with lots of steps.

But mostly, I'll be in the vicinity of Marble Arch, Oxford Street and Westminster, just in case anyone wants to meet me. And I'll pay for my own dinner, if you can find anyone on that island who can cook something not involving the Colonel's picture on the bucket.

Perhaps a meeting, for anyone who can get to London one night?

If I come, I'll be there from the 24th leaving the 31st.