Quatloos!

No words needed

They haven't tinned up the windows! You could get in there in five minutes. Probably with some damage to the frames, but perfectly doable. Whoever ordered that job really wasn't serious.

If the reports of 24 hour security are true then there'd be no need to do the windows. The fact the door has been replaced with steel might be due to the use by the bailiffs of 'The Big Key' to gain access.

Dear Tameside Council.

I wish to complain in the strongest terms that the ugly big steel door detracts from the other period features in what is a conservation area, replete as it is with thack, rolling, gall, hail and other stones of note.

Also, what has become of the Sacred Spiritual Stubborn Stone of Simmondley which formerly graced the porch of the property? I demand an answer.

This important and sacrosanct obelisk made of pure Glossop Granite (iron bars, sand & cement from B & Q) should be restored at once.

A moat and drawbridge would have been more proportionate, reasonable and in all of the circumstances fun way to go, maintaining the elegance of the existing facade, blending seamlessly with the historic nature of the surrounding environment whilst keeping invaders at bay.

I demand that this be addressed immediately.

Wrong council

What's with the large, blue koosh ball attached to the outside?

TheNewSaint wrote:What's with the large, blue koosh ball attached to the outside?

I saw something like that being sold for about £3.99 at Aldi a few weeks ago in various colours; I think they are a low maintenance decoration instead of a hanging basket. Some people might think they are nice to look at.

It looks so plain, it needs a sign or something...

Sacred Spiritual Stubborn Stone of Simmondley

That is one of my favorite little plays on words today.

MaritalArtist wrote:She should organise a rooftop protest that'll work.

Everyone who shows up gets a free souvenir thackstone.

notorial dissent wrote:Maybe she and Ms Sheihk should get together and pool their resources, although I don't know if two speshul snowflake princesses can be in the same room together at the same time.

Add Nuhla into the mix and you've a scene from Macbeth.

How much equity does HRH have left in "Cottage Psychotic" ? With more fees for the newest pest removal, 24 hour security to keep her out, that big beautiful door that serves as an inspiration to Americans as a model for a certain wall we're building....etc... Is she gonna go full on Crawford and end up in the hole?

Gregg wrote:How much equity does HRH have left in "Cottage Psychotic" ?

My guesses on the scenario: Mummy and Daddy remortgaged their house to raise the cost of purchase and repairs. IIRC she paid about £130k for it. Let's guess the parents came up with a nice round £150k to cover legal fees, repairs etc. What I don't know is if there is a charge on the cottage. I'll come back to that later. Princess Snowflake gets work done and screws up next door's wall. Due to having lots of houses in England with shared walls we have lots of laws and case history on f***ing up shared and other people's walls and it is generally considered "a bad thing". As Princess Snowflake finds out. She doesn't put stuff right and the neighbours end up taking her to court. This compounds into £70k owed in court costs and to the neighbours, with the only obvious way of getting the money by repossessing the house. Roll forward to a few days ago. HCEO/Bailiffs turn up and take over, Princess gets arrested and taken off stage for a few hours (I assume she was bailed). Now let us run the numbers. Cottage worth maybe about £200k, sell at auction for maybe £180k if lucky, £160k if not. Costs so far: £70k from earlier court hearings, this court hearing, possession etc. has be worth several thousands. Ongoing cost of security. Can anyone remember the figure for Tom Crawford's place? Just one guy must cost £400 a day. So, rushing it to auction, if you are lucky, 60 days. £25,000.
I reckon with the security costs added on she is over £100k in the hole. Two men 24/7 for security and she's at £130k. Any more messing trying to get into the property, disrupting the auction, etc. she will get jailed for contempt while the place is sold, and if that happens, she'll be lucky to come out with enough money to buy one thackstone. Oh, and of course, mummy and daddy still owe £150k on their house.

ArthurWankspittle wrote:

Gregg wrote:How much equity does HRH have left in "Cottage Psychotic" ?

My guesses on the scenario: Mummy and Daddy remortgaged their house to raise the cost of purchase and repairs. IIRC she paid about £130k for it. Let's guess the parents came up with a nice round £150k to cover legal fees, repairs etc. What I don't know is if there is a charge on the cottage. I'll come back to that later. Princess Snowflake gets work done and screws up next door's wall. Due to having lots of houses in England with shared walls we have lots of laws and case history on f***ing up shared and other people's walls and it is generally considered "a bad thing". As Princess Snowflake finds out. She doesn't put stuff right and the neighbours end up taking her to court. This compounds into £70k owed in court costs and to the neighbours, with the only obvious way of getting the money by repossessing the house. Roll forward to a few days ago. HCEO/Bailiffs turn up and take over, Princess gets arrested and taken off stage for a few hours (I assume she was bailed). Now let us run the numbers. Cottage worth maybe about £200k, sell at auction for maybe £180k if lucky, £160k if not. Costs so far: £70k from earlier court hearings, this court hearing, possession etc. has be worth several thousands. Ongoing cost of security. Can anyone remember the figure for Tom Crawford's place? Just one guy must cost £400 a day. So, rushing it to auction, if you are lucky, 60 days. £25,000.
I reckon with the security costs added on she is over £100k in the hole. Two men 24/7 for security and she's at £130k. Any more messing trying to get into the property, disrupting the auction, etc. she will get jailed for contempt while the place is sold, and if that happens, she'll be lucky to come out with enough money to buy one thackstone. Oh, and of course, mummy and daddy still owe £150k on their house.

Subject to further correction, my understanding of the figures were a lttle different...

Her debt owed at the last court appearance was £90,000
Parents mortgage of £150,000 I recall also.
I seem to remember the value being estimated somewhere as £230,000, based on perhaps a similar cottage in the area sold.
Agree that the current condition, front door etc.. discounts it a bit, lets call that at a quick "15% for the scar the Stone of Stupid left on the landing, the Zombie safe front door etc..." which puts us around £200,000 round numbers.
So, from my assumptions, and using your other figures...

Distressed sale discount, another 20%, less £40,000, sells at auction for £160,000
Costs, fees and Judgement are £90,000 plus £25,000 for the security and second eviction, so possible she gets £45,000 out of a sale, net.

Counting the parents, she now is on my shortlist for the 2017 "Crawford Award for Egregious Equity Evaporation,". Final debt owing after liquidation just north of £100,000!

Back a few pages the court ruling was that the property be sold for not less than £225K with her neighbour's solicitors handling the sale. Presume that minimum figure is supposed to be in fairness to her, to stop it being just sold to the first offer that clears the debt.

Gregg wrote:Counting the parents, she now is on my shortlist for the 2017 "Crawford Award for Egregious Equity Evaporation,". Final debt owing after liquidation just north of £100,000!

Quatloos should keep a scoreboard for this. A list of everyone who went the freetard route, and how much it cost them above and beyond the original debt.

TheNewSaint wrote:

Gregg wrote:Counting the parents, she now is on my shortlist for the 2017 "Crawford Award for Egregious Equity Evaporation,". Final debt owing after liquidation just north of £100,000!

Quatloos should keep a scoreboard for this. A list of everyone who went the freetard route, and how much it cost them above and beyond the original debt.

There's too many of them to keep count. Maybe just track the big-hitters, the selfless heroes who donated the full value of their home to support the welfare of countless bailiffs, lawyers, locksmiths, bankers and shuttering contractors? Such generosity should not go unrecognised. I think we should award some kind of special recognition, The Quatloos Medal of Philanthropy perhaps?

Fully brevetted members : Gedaljahu Ebert, Guy Taylor, Tom Crawford and Baron VonTrampbeard

Candidate members : Neelu Berry, Wrecker Patel, Helen Gardiner and Robert "Pubic Louse" White