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Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 5:54 am
by Deep Knight
Gregg wrote:Have you seen the TV show Lucifer? Its actually quite good, I think you'd like it. (The Boss made me watch it, and give it a good review on Amazon Instant Video)


If it's about the devil not being evil but solving crimes with some woman detective he likes, then no, but I've heard about it. The person who is really Deep Knight has a better half who likes that sort of stuff, although I haven't heard about it recently. Instead it's been a lot of zombies (even Game of Thrones had a zombie-like Army 'O Th' Dead). Personally, I'm sick of it. You make one mistake in the lab and let a virus which re-animates the dead loose only once, but they never forgive you or forget. Or would if their memories hadn't been erased.

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Remember the old zombie threat levels? If you do, the memory washing didn't "take" and you need to report to an Illuminati cover agency immediately!

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:43 pm
by Arthur Rubin
Deep Knight wrote:Remember the old zombie threat levels? If you do, the memory washing didn't "take" and you need to report to an Illuminati cover agency immediately!
I think the Illuminati need to check out some FEMA employees. On their web site, under "emergency preparedness", there are references to preparing for a zombie apocalypse, although I don't remember a threat level.

There are also some commercials for home appliance repair services which state that homeowners' insurance covers damage from a-zombie apocalypse. Seems unlikely, though....

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 3:57 pm
by Deep Knight
About Lucifer the TV show, here's what Wikipedia say:

The series focuses on Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil, who is bored and unhappy as the Lord of Hell, and resigns his throne and abandons his kingdom for Los Angeles. Lucifer runs a nightclub in Los Angeles called "Lux", with the assistance of his demonic ally Mazikeen. Lucifer becomes involved with the LAPD when he begins to assist Detective Chloe Decker in crime cases. He becomes fascinated with Decker when she appears to be immune to his powers. Lucifer's mother later escapes Hell, and Lucifer's punishment for her is to stay on Earth, and the celestial family are forced to deal with the ramifications of this.
...
Tom Ellis as Lucifer Morningstar:
The Lord of Hell, who is bored with his life, abdicates his throne and becomes a civilian consultant for the Los Angeles Police Department while running his own high-end nightclub, called "Lux". Lucifer is open with, and frequently tells people, that he is the Devil, but very few take this seriously. He is a Fallen angel, and besides powers such as superhuman invulnerability, strength and speed, he has a supernatural ability to make people tell him their hidden desires. Lucifer is highly sexual, and can make himself irresistible to most people. Neil Gaiman's Lucifer was partly inspired by David Bowie, but the show's creators decided against trying to mimic Bowie. Tom Ellis saw the character as a sort of Oscar Wilde or Noël Coward character "with added rock and roll spirit", approaching his portrayal as if he were the "lovechild of Noël Coward and Mick Jagger, with a dash of British actor Terry-Thomas".


Satan as I write him is more like the incompetent boss from hell, a guy who got where he is much more from fraternity ties than talent. But the "Lucifer's Mother" thing is definitely something I could work in (e.g. wife-mother fights that happen offstage but are referenced by their damage to his living quarters and/or injuries to Satan himself as collateral damage). The other thing that might inspire me is the Terry-Thomas reference. I always thought he was trying to make his film characters annoying in their British-ness, and while Satan is 100% American, I perhaps made him a little too "average" for the roll. Instead of British, Ivy League, the accent and attitude people love to hate? Or better yet, pretending to be?

BTW, the other Devil roll I liked and who no-doubt inspires me, is the one played by Peter Cook in Bedazzled. A must see. Here is Drimble Wedge and the Vegetation to tell you why.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXnoWb88Jr4

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 5:24 pm
by Burnaby49
I'd rather listen to that than Seasons In The Sun. At least Drimble Wedge had cute dancers. Almost as cute as these ones;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVwiixXViT0

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:05 am
by Deep Knight
I met a girl who asked me to take her to a funky town once. Unfortunately I was busy, what with thwarting prosperity and such, and had to decline. I mean, we were talking about a 4 hour drive, one way, more with traffic. Who knows what path my life would have taken if I had taken her up on being taken?

As for the dancing girls, I needed to look up the one with the weird eyes to put out an Illuminati "silencing" contract on her. Someone's gotta do it. With some digging found she was Debbie Jenner and from Doris D & the Pins, not Lipps Inc. who did the song. Debby was Doris D., but those aren't the Pins, they're the Musikladen Go-Go Girls (Musikladen was a German TV show, it roughly translates as "Music Load"). Apparently Ms. Jenner did a bunch of lip synching and miming on TV, and later went on to be a popular TV aerobics instructor in Holland.

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Kama Sutra fans will recognize this as part of the "bend scissors bent scepter" position (page 189 in the unabridged edition, "Plezier Werken Schlonger Jerken" in Dutch).

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:44 am
by Burnaby49
You just put a hit out on her? That video was made almost forty years ago, you guys move slower than the Canadian federal government. How are you going to carry it out, kick her walker out from under her? Put an overdose of roughage in her morning mush?

There's a Wikipedia article out on her but it's written in some kind of impenetrable super-secret spy code. Is it an open casting call on your hit contract?

https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doris_D

About the only thing I can make out is that she was born in Skegness England. I've been to Skegness. Calling it a dump would only be glamorizing it. No wonder she bailed on Britain.

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:46 pm
by The Observer
Burnaby49 wrote:You just put a hit out on her? That video was made almost forty years ago, you guys move slower than the Canadian federal government. How are you going to carry it out, kick her walker out from under her? Put an overdose of roughage in her morning mush?


You have to remember that DK likes to cherry-pick the assassination targets to minimize the risk to himself. He has a huge backlog of current targets that he is delaying to kill until they reach their golden years. Thus the reason he leads the Illuminati in hits on octogenarians. His favorite ploy is to dress up as a female nurse and sneak into convalescent hospitals at night and tie plastic bags over the heads of the comatose.

Now you understand why Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus and other annoying celebrities are still pestering us.

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:37 am
by notorial dissent
:snicker:

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:40 am
by Gregg
One look at those eyes reminds you just how much cocaine was floating around in certain circles back then.

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:07 pm
by Burnaby49

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:20 pm
by Burnaby49
BTW, the other Devil roll I liked and who no-doubt inspires me, is the one played by Peter Cook in Bedazzled. A must see. Here is Drimble Wedge and the Vegetation to tell you why.


One thing to keep in mind while considering DK's movie recommendations. He once touted this one on Quatloos;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Apple_(1980_film)

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:38 pm
by Gregg
While the wimps wait until their targets are in nursing homes before pushing the button, everyone knows that if you need someone to assume room temperature right away, you send the deadly weiners from above, the famed 699th Airborne Assault Dachshund Regiment, Double-0 section....

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Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 5:35 pm
by Deep Knight
Burnaby49 wrote:You just put a hit out on her? That video was made almost forty years ago, you guys move slower than the Canadian federal government. How are you going to carry it out, kick her walker out from under her? Put an overdose of roughage in her morning mush?


Fake News!

If you read carefully, you'll see that I said:

Deep Knight wrote:...the one with the weird eyes to put out an Illuminati "silencing" contract on her. Someone's gotta do it.


Silencing, not "a hit" (single lung-full from a "joint" of "maryjane"), liquidation (subject offered limitless free beer in area with no bathroom facilities), or neutralization (the subject is given Swiss citizenship). If you go back a look at the video, she's simply lip synching Lipps Inc. or dancing funny (it was known as "the robot" and is now banned in 27 countries). I'm not having her killed, I put in a work order for some audio engineers to time travel back to 1980 and erase any and all vocal tracks. Even thought this is going to happen in the future, it will affect the past, so it's already happened. How's THAT for Illuminati efficiency?


Burnaby49 wrote:There's a Wikipedia article out on her but it's written in some kind of impenetrable super-secret spy code. Is it an open casting call on your hit contract?

About the only thing I can make out is that she was born in Skegness England. I've been to Skegness. Calling it a dump would only be glamorizing it. No wonder she bailed on Britain.


It's in Dutch, a gutter language with too many double "A"s and double "O"s to work its way back up on the sidewalk. But what do you expect from a country hobbled by wooden shoes, sustained by a diet of cocoa and tulip bulbs, and who can't decide if they should be called Holland, Netherlands, or Nederland? IMHO there's far too little hate and prejudice expended towards the Dutch simply because they are so friendly and peaceful, and something should be done about that.

The Observer wrote:You have to remember that DK likes to cherry-pick the assassination targets to minimize the risk to himself. He has a huge backlog of current targets that he is delaying to kill until they reach their golden years. Thus the reason he leads the Illuminati in hits on octogenarians. His favorite ploy is to dress up as a female nurse and sneak into convalescent hospitals at night and tie plastic bags over the heads of the comatose.


The real reason the Illuminati are behind on their assassinations is round after round of budget cutting. Top notch hit men are expensive, recent Hollywood movies where people pay millions for a simple homicide have inflated their egos and their rates. No wonder we're moving to drones. Then their are the government regulations. Getting a permit, waiting for the EPA to finish their environmental assessment, and paying off state and local inspectors all take time and money, which equals delay. Do the math.

More importantly, comments on how I might be letting my supposed targets "age" due to cowardice are slanderous, even though such a strategy sounds like it would be a good idea. I am not an Illuminati hit man, I have the "license to kill" only because it comes up in my other work now and again. That doesn't make me an assassin any more than filling out an expense report makes someone an accountant. As it is, the delay causes me no end of problems in my day-to-day work. YOU try to keep a project on schedule when someone you're threatening with "dying horribly, within the hour" starts snickering.


The Observer wrote:Now you understand why Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus and other annoying celebrities are still pestering us.


Hey, get a grip. You're WAY off base with this one. These people are there "in punishment for your sins," and sins are something the Illuminati reward people for (in theory, budget cuts again). Sure we've been killin' 'em, but they've been clonin' 'em just as fast. It's become a stalemate, and I for one think we should cut our losses, lick our wounds, and withdraw.

Gregg wrote:One look at those eyes reminds you just how much cocaine was floating around in certain circles back then.


The cocaine only floated when it was too heavily "cut" (adulterated) by Helium, a disco fashion trend that was extremely brief both for that reason, and because of the silly falsetto-like voice drug abusers got afterwards.


Burnaby49 wrote:One thing to keep in mind while considering DK's movie recommendations. He once touted this one on Quatloos;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Apple_(1980_film)


Yes, but clearly identified as one of the worst movies of all time. Watch it and tell me if I lie. I contend it's so bad it's worth wasting your time on, especially with some judicious fast-forwarding through the love songs, although I can see how others would dispute this... Make up your own mind, this is America where you can think for yourself, well, at least until the end of October.

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Gregg wrote:While the wimps wait until their targets are in nursing homes before pushing the button, everyone knows that if you need someone to assume room temperature right away, you send the deadly weiners from above, the famed 699th Airborne Assault Dachshund Regiment, Double-0 section....


I've tried to put a bug in Satan's bonnet about your deadly dachshunds and not cutting their funding, but you know how short his attention span is. And to be honest, arguments like "they're useful and cost effective" fall on deaf ears. Your "Killer Wiener" approach has a lot of impact and is a step in the right direction. I suggest you take it to the next level by stoking the big guy's ego and working in the tagline "Devil Dogs" somewhere in your next video presentation. It never hurts to pander to your audience's vanity.

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Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:47 pm
by The Observer
Deep Knight wrote: That doesn't make me an assassin any more than filling out an expense report makes someone an accountant


No, that makes them a creative accountant.

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:30 am
by morrand
Deep Knight wrote:
Burnaby49 wrote:One thing to keep in mind while considering DK's movie recommendations. He once touted this one on Quatloos;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Apple_(1980_film)


Yes, but clearly identified as one of the worst movies of all time. Watch it and tell me if I lie. I contend it's so bad it's worth wasting your time on, especially with some judicious fast-forwarding through the love songs, although I can see how others would dispute this...


Citation needed. Oh, wait, here it is. As for "The Apple," I much recommend the Rifftrax version of it. It makes even the love songs more tolerable.

Re: Real-But-Stupid News

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 4:14 am
by The Observer
And even more real, but stupid news:

A time-traveler was arrested in Wyoming for being drunk in public, but he had a very good reason. He is actually from the year 2048 and came back to warn us of an alien invasion next year. Apparently the evil aliens forced him to get drunk which, for some odd reason, gave him the power to time-travel.

Incredibly, instead of being thankful and appreciative of this good Samaritan's efforts, the Casper, WY police arrested him anyways.

But this also probably explains why Burnaby is taking home two growlers at a time. He is busy practicing time travel.