CASPER - THEY DID IT AGAIN

[ClemIsBack]

As we all know THEY have earthquake machines and now THEY have developed
volcano machines. The delivery planes were stranded on the tarmac at UK's
Manchester Airport due to the volcanic ash. The plan worked to perfection.

Now the VOICES tell me that THEY will have a fully functional hurricane machine
up and running by May 1st.

Casper 4-19-2010

[bmielke]

Oh man, one would think they could have save a huge amount of R&D money by making a combination Earthquake/Volcano machine, I sure hope the Hurricane Machine is a Hurrican/Typhoon Machine.

[Deep Knight]

Our friends in the Illuminati have perfected a hurricane machine. It's deceptively simple, first you mix the secret fuel:

1 oz vodka
1/4 oz grenadine syrup
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1/2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 oz triple sec
grapefruit juice
pineapple juice

Pour all but the juices, in order listed, into a hurricane glass three-quarters filled with ice. Fill with equal parts of grapefruit and pineapple juice, and serve. This evil recipe has destroyed the Gulf coast and the White Knight secretarial pool's maidenheads more times than you might think.

[Nikki]

On a more serious note, the true cause of earthquakes has been discovered:

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes.

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

"What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?" Sedighi asked during a prayer sermon Friday. "There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes."

"A divine authority told me to tell the people to make a general repentance. Why? Because calamities threaten us," Sedighi said.

Referring to the violence that followed last June's disputed presidential election, he said, "The political earthquake that occurred was a reaction to some of the actions (that took place). And now, if a natural earthquake hits Tehran, no one will be able to confront such a calamity but God's power, only God's power. ... So let's not disappoint God."

Minister of Welfare and Social Security Sadeq Mahsooli said prayers and pleas for forgiveness were the best "formulas to repel earthquakes."

"We cannot invent a system that prevents earthquakes, but God has created this system and that is to avoid sins, to pray, to seek forgiveness, pay alms and self-sacrifice," Mahsooli said.

Perhaps the best way to derail Iran's nuclear development efforts would be to trigger a massive earthquake by parachuting in a combat team of Swedish Bikini Commandos?

[fortinbras]

Pat Robertson once blamed an earthquake in Southern California - on the opening day of the baseball season - on gays in San Francisco. San Francisco hardly felt the tremors. The real reason, of course, was the use of the satan-inspired Designated Hitter rule.