And now for something completely different

[.]

On another thread, it was suggested that Van Pelt should submit his theories to peer review by a legitimate tax or economic journal and get his masterful treatise on "redeeming lawful money" published.

Perhaps he would have better luck with something more along these lines and for which I submit a proposed inaugural table of contents:

Proceedings of the American Society of Tax Nonsense, Rubbish and Gibberish

Volume I, Issue 1


Editor Emeritus: Irwin Schiff

A Brief Note From the Editor ... pages 1-205


Peer-reviewed papers presented in this issue:


Redeeming Your Way Out of Those Pesky $5K 6702 Penalties -- It's Easy

Section 61 -- Bunkum or Scam?

Top 10 FCIs -- Food, Cell Decor, Phone Privileges, Exercise Hours and Visitation

Reviving Your Dead 861 Argument -- Suspend Reality, It's Not Hopeless

Former Bailiff Speaks Out -- How to Properly Iron a Gold-Fringed Flag

50 Ways to Fool Your Evidence Repository

Pro Se Brief Writing -- Proper Construction of Run-On Sentences and Paragraphs

Avoiding Federal Employment -- The 5 Best Pool Cleaning Starter Kits

OID is for Everyone -- Who Needs Zero Coupon Bonds?

What To Do When Your Lawyer Tells You You're Crazy

Lien on Your Cardboard Box? -- How to Play Rock-Paper-Scissors with the HELOC Owner

Admiralty Law -- Is it Only for Generals?

CDP Hearings -- 10 Best Miniaturized Tape Recorders

Citing Overturned Cases -- Most People Don't Know About Them, So it Doesn't Matter

Citizens of Nowhere, Unite! -- You Don't Owe It, Whatever It Is

Court Sanctions -- Maximizing Your Free Bites at the Apple

Jurisdiction -- Do You Have Any?

Tax Matriarchy -- Benefits of Having Your Mother Do Your Return

Turning Your Master File Into a Weapon -- Converting it to Dodecadecimal

OMB Numbers -- Confusing the Enemy With Numbers They Don't Care About

Psssst. Defunct IRS District Directors Don't Know Why They Exist -- Don't Tell Them

Innocent Spouse -- How Deeply Should You Bury Your Head In the Sand?

16th Amendment -- Archeologists Unearth Long-Lost Copy

Gunsmiths and the Fed -- Latest Revelations from the Virgin Islands

Judges and Their Oaths of Office -- Making Them Cower in Court

Pure Trusts -- Burying Them 10-Deep While Still Controlling Your Stuff

Is PAM a Sham? -- Who Says You Can't Sue Everyone Under the Sun?

Going for Broke -- The Case for Disbarred Attorneys

Small Arms or Small Airplanes? -- 10 Best of Each to Satisfy Your Rage

Dental and Chiropractic Practices -- Arranging Them So They Can't Be Easily Seized

Flying Under the Tax Radar -- Pilots Tell Their Crash-and-Burn Stories

Altering Jurats -- White-Out or Simple Line-through, What Works Best?

TIGTA -- Undercover Relative of Tigger?

Tax Protester Bulletin Boards -- Not Only for the Deluded

Felony Tax Convictions -- Following the Simkanen Model When Applying For a Job

Pro Se Brief Writing II -- Grammar, Syntax and Punctuation Don't Matter, the Judge Gets It

Dying in Federal Prison -- Friendless and Broke is the Way To Go

Quashing an IRS Summons or Subpoena -- Including Porn May Help

Minimizing Your Prison Term for a Stand-off -- 50 cal or Explosives?

Tax Gibberish? -- A Parapsychologist Offers an Opinion on Bigfoot

Refused for Cause -- Is Red Ink Better?

No doubt there are other worthy topics such an august journal could cover.

[.]

BTW, Wes, I thought about posting something like this on the "Redeeming Lawful Money" thread, but agreed with you that it would be totally off-topic there.

Better to let Van Peltish (Van Peltian?) humor flower elsewhere. Like right here.

[wserra]

!!!! Those are great.

No doubt there are other worthy topics such an august journal could cover.

No doubt.

Good Faith Belief - How to Save Your Cheeks From the Government Boot

Conscious Avoidance - Why Every Patriot Should Read Only Lassie Come Home

Good PR: How to Turn Felons into Freedom Fighters

Prison Survival - Soap-on-a-Rope Isn't Enough

Polygraphs-R-Us - Never a Liar Yet

The Common-Law Seal: Thumb or Infant Foot?

[wserra]

Purifying Our Precious Bodily Trusts

A Corporation Sole in an International Shoe
========================
I GOTTA WORK, GODDAMMIT!

[The Observer]

Killing Two Birds With One Stone: Jurisprudence And Fine Dining - Why Denny's is a better Article III courtroom.

"I Was A Redeemer For The US Treasury" - An exciting, uplifting and heavily redacted story of one anonymous man's career in issuing millions of untraceable refunds to unidentified suitors.

Minimizing Your Stay in Club Fed - Crucial tips on keeping your sentence on the light side, including turning state's evidence against your co-defendants, submitting your list of customers to Criminal Investigation, and blaming your family, friends, co-workers and your attorney for how you got here.

Atlas of The Internal Revenue Service - A must for every TP in order to prove to the judge that IRS district directors don't have districts. Includes bonus maps showing that all districts are actually located in D.C. Puerto Rico, and other US Territories.

The Internal Revenue Code Code - Did you know that there is a secret code embedded in the IRC? Now you do! These simple instructions will show you how to look for the magic sentences that will allow you to be detaxed. Similar to doing word search puzzles, in no time you will be discovering all sorts of surprises by looking down, up, backward, diagonally and cross-eyed throughout the IRC for tax-free formulas! Includes a coupon for a 10% discount towards our magic glasses that will let you also look for the invisible codes in the IRC!

Insanity as An Offense, Not A Defense - Converting the court-appointed psychiatrist to your tax-denial theory.

Repetitive Red-Stamping Syndrome - Simple practices to avoid blisters, calluses and carpal-tunnel-syndrome.

Literacy - Is it a necessity in winning your case? Or is it simply a myth?

The Patriot's Perplexing Pieces' o' Eight Problem - Is it time to convert your Liberty Dollars to dinars?

[grixit]

Common Law Investing: redeem a few lawful bunnies and watch them multiply.

How to destroy evidence with Advanced-Resonance Plasma Physics.

Your Strawman got Convicted. How to detatch yourself you you don't get dragged to prison after it.

That's not Me! How to change your name every day so their paperwork doesn't apply.

Reassurance Therapy. Ever have doubts about the righteousness of the cause? Dreaming of evil meloncats with chainsaws? Have occasional moments where the wording of laws seems to make sense the way the fascists explain them? Don't despair, Brothers and Sisters, we've all been there and we're all here for you. Just contact Common Sense Anonymous for the location of a meeting near you. Tell your story. Receive reinforcement from friends who know what you're going through. We've got inspirational speakers, group hugs, and plenty of kool-aid. Don't be alone in your hour of uncertainty, come let's rebuild our worldviews together!

[Randall]

"What's In Your Colon"

[Pottapaug1938]

King Of Your Own Back Yard: Declaring Yourself Sovereign

Trust Your Own Common Sense, Not Elitist Experts

The End Of E Pluribus Unum, And The Rise Of "I Doan' WANNA Do That, An' You Can't MAKE Me!"

Magic Word Style Manual: A Guide To Writing Real Legal-Sounding Documents That Are Just As Good As The Ones The Fancy-Pants BAR Members (Non-Citizens Under The REAL 13th Amendment) Write

They Can't Make You Say That Your Opinions On Legal Issues Are Incorrect If You Never Answer A Direct Question Except With Evasions, Excuses And Irrelevancies

[ArthurWankspittle]

101 Things to do with tin foil - Everything from stopping your brainwaves being read to protection against Tasers.

Accepted for Value - Why you can't use it to buy our books.

The Rip It Up History of America* - The complete history of the United States, its constitution and laws, but with the added plus of being able to rip out unwanted pages so that you can derive your own version of what you think the constitution and law should look like.


(*with apologies to Richard Wiseman)

[Pottapaug1938]

First In Time, First In Importance And Validity: Why Documents Like The Magna Carta, Declaration Of Independence And The Articles Of Confederation Are Still Essential To American Jurisprudence

[Cathulhu]

Birth Certification and How to Floss Correctly; Orly Taitz will teach you how to get one of these right.

My Frivpen's Bigger Than Yours Is.

Picking Just the Right Appliance Box; David Merrill Van Pelt offers tips on living under a bridge when your mom kicks you out. Bonus: Red stamps can be used to mark your box!

God and Country: How to Bill Yourself a Christian and Patriot While Disobeying One and Ripping Off the Other.

EDIT: Been up for three nights now to care for sick kitty. She's better now. You know your spouse really, truly loves you when he helps you to get the drugged-silly cat to pee. Still gotta get up every five hours to give her meds, but can at least get some sleep now. I will be funnier when less brain-dead. But my reality-check says if sick cat is worst problem I have, I'm a pretty damn lucky person.

[mpo]

The Scarlet Letter--The Most Effective Shades of Red for Scrawls, Stamps, and Thumb Prints.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A -- Hidden Cheat Codes in Black's Law Dictionary.

Get Out of Jail Free Card -- Really, Will it Get You Out of Jail Free?

Look Ma, No Hans. A Treatise for Sprinkling Germanic Legalese into Your Next Filing.

[Kestrel]

Codetalkers - The Navajo, Peyote, and the Secret Language of the Internal Revenue Code

Chain Reaction - Rube Goldberg reveals the most efficient way to protect your Sovereign Territory from unwelcome visitors

Enigma - Using your cryptex to draft court motions so complex they're guaranteed to win

Kryptos Decyphered - How sculptor-hero Jim Sanborn subliminally diverted the CIA's attention away from Sovereign Citizens for over 20 years

The Da Vinci Codex Volume I - Angles and Daemons which reveal the REAL Holy Grail: Peter Hendrickson's "Cracking The Code"

The Da Vinci Codex Volume II - Angles and Daemons which reveal the REAL Holy Grail: Tom Cryer's "The Real Truth About The Truth About Frivolous Tax Arguments"

[Pottapaug1938]

Quote-Mining: How To Find Real Legal-Sounding Phrases In Real Court Cases To Support Your Accusations Against The Evil Gummint

[.]

And, a few more. Too bad none of the TPs want to publish this stuff.

Invincible Ignorance -- Making it Work for You, a Study of Serially Court-Sanctioned Warriors

The Efficacy of Red Markers -- Sharpie or Crayon?

Can You Wear Out Your Thumbprint? A Former Detective's List of Dos and Don'ts for Thumb-care

And now, it's over to you, Van Pelt.