----- Original Message -----
From: "Mrs Melvinna" <wealth2@tiscali.co.uk>
Sent: Sunday, July 11, 2004 7:37 AM
Subject: From....Mrs Melvinna Albanathy
From....Mrs Melvinna Albanathy
PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
E-mail-; mrsrolavinnathy@tiscali.co.uk
My name is Mrs Melvinna Albanathy a nationality of Kuwait. I am
married to Mr Eldrin Albanathy who worked with Kuwait embassy
in ABIDJAN IVORY COAST for nine years before he died in the plane
crash of 31 october 1999[with egyptian airline 990] with other
passengers aboard as you can confirm it yourself through this
web site .(www.cnn.com/us/9911/02/egyptair990.list/index.html)
We were married for eleven years without a child. he died after
a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death
we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive
we deposited the sum of$5.6Million (Five Million six hundred thousand
U.S. Dollars) with one of good banks here in IVORY COAST. Presently,
this money is still with the bank. national bank Ivory caost(www.nationalbank-ci.org).
Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next
three months due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most
is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this
fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will
utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want
a church that will use this fund to churches, orphanages, Research
centres and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that
the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand
that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because
I don?t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband?s
relatives are not Christians and I don?t want my family hard earned
money to be misused by unbelievers.
I don?t want a situation where this money will
be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this
bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am
going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.
Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall
hold my peace. I don?t need any telephone communication in this
regard
because of my health because of the presence of my family relatives
around me always. I don?t want them to know about this development.
With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply
I shall give you the contact of the Finance/bank. I will also
issue you a letter of authority
that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund.
I want you and the church to always pray for
me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived
a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the
Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful
all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room
in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same
purpose. Please assure me that you will act Accordingly as I stated
here. Expecting to hearing from you.Always reply with this email
address mrsrolavinnathy@tiscali.co.uk.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Melvinna Albanathy.
Dear Mrs. Albanathy:
As a man of the cloth, I am most interested in helping you. Please
confirm that you are open to learning and following the true word
of God as held in the beliefs of my church. I am happy to hear
that you and Eldrin were born again, so that Eldrin was able to
die twice. My religion allows one to be born thrice. Please let
me know that you are willing to convert to my one true religion
and I shall enable you to pass to the kingdom of the lord.
Brad Christensen
Pastor
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: <mrsrolavinnathy_2by@tiscali.co.uk>
To: <bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Monday, July 12, 2004 11:50 AM
Subject: Re: From....Mrs Melvinna Albanathy
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your response and as you help
by receiving this money God almigthy will continue to protect
you day in and day out, please Mama you have nothing much to do
rather than to make sure that this money come's directely to you
as an elderly woman you won't be carried alway because you have
nothing to do with the money, nather than to share it to the needy,
as matter of urgency i will give you all the directive in claiming
this money through a FINANCY HOUSE ABROAD,
But please mama this must be kept confidencia
by you untill the money finally come's into your nominated account
for SECURITY reasons, doe every document to assist you in claiming
this money is very much intact you have no-problem in claiming
it, by tomorrow i will give you the directive and the contact
of he Finance house abroad so that you can get across to the managing
director with my directive,
Thank ou Once Again for you kind Gesture.
Yours Sister in Christ
Mrs Melvinna Abanathy
Dear Melvinna Abanathy:
First of all, I am not your Mama! Why would you call me that?
I don't have the proper equipment and most certainly am not a
transvestite! As a Pastor, and the Father of my flock of worshipers,
you may consider me to be your Papa. And with your health deteriorating,
it is critical that you immediately become a member of my flock.
Only the Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah offers the
key to the kingdom of everlasting life and harp music. I am very
interested in helping you disseminate your millions to charity,
but by edict of the First Cousin of Noah you first must agree
to join my church and adhere to its beliefs. Are you willing to
take this critical step to your own eternal salvation? I pray
that you will respond with a resounding "YES!"
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Wednesday, July 14, 2004 2:41 AM
Subject: Re: From....Mrs Melvinna Albanathy
Dear Brad ,
Thank you for your response and as you help
by receiving this money God almigthy will continue to protect
you day in and day out, please Larry you have nothing much to
do rather than to make sure that this money come's directely to
you in person you won't be carried alway because you have nothing
to do with the money, nather than to share it to the needy,as
matter of urgency i will give you all the directive in claiming
this money through a FINANCY& FINANCY HOUSE ASIA, But please
Brad this must be kept confidencia by you untill the money finally
come's into your nominated account for SECURITY reasons, doe every
document to assist you in claiming this money is very much intact
you have no-problem in claiming it, by tomorrow i will give you
the directive and the contact of he Finance&Security House
Asia so that you can get across to the managing director with
my directive, and please do not relent in prayer because jesus
started with prayer and end up with prayer.
Thank you Once Again for you kind Gesture.
Yours Sister in Christ
Mrs Melvinna Abanathy
Dear Mrs. Albanathy:
I am disturbed by your latest message. Who is this Larry you speak
of? I thought this matter was supposed to be confidential. If
it is confidential why do you bring another person into the discussion?
Anyway, why would you separate Larry from Moe and Curly in the
first place? Do you think I'm some type of stooge? Also, what
do you mean when you say I "won't be carried"? I already
know I won't be carried because I am able to walk around on my
own.
Finally and most importantly, I am troubled by your failure to
agree to join my church. My Almighty Church of the First Cousin
of Noah offers you God's only key to eternal salvation. Please
tell me that you are a believer in my church so I can trust you.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 7:24 AM
Subject: Re: From....Mrs Melvinna Albanathy
Dear
How are you today, i received your mail and please regarding the
issue of that of larry please it was a mistake by my typist because
i am not too good in typing, i am sorry for that expensive error,
and again regards your church issue i have that beleive as you
have stated because i am a woman of faith i have the strog beleive
of what God can do and also for my SISTERS / BROTHERS in christ,
So do not be bord, because i strongly beleive
in your ministry and what Almighty God does for poeple in your
ministry, i am very glad to be member of your ministry,
Please in due time i will give you the contact
to the FINANCE AND SECURITY HOUSE ASIA, where this FUND will be
remitted to you directly as follows, through my directives.
Thank you Once again for your kind gesture..
Yours Sister in the Lord
Mrs Mevinna Albanathy.
Dear Mrs. Albanathy:
I am so happy to hear that you are keeping our correspondence
confidential and have not shared it with Larry. I also am in a
state of absolute bliss to hear that you will join the Almighty
Church of the First Cousin of Noah. The teachings of our church
are important for you to learn and commit to if you are to gain
admitance into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Our core beliefs include a preference for drought and pestilence
over floods. We shun dampness and abhor excessive wetness.
But the very heart and soul of our faith is the belief -- nay,
absolute fact -- that Heaven's gate is a solitary hole in the
universe a mere twelve inches wide. To pass through this opening
to everlasting life, you must be extremely thin.
Therefore it is a mandate of our church to fast on all days except
Tuesday, which we call "Fat Tuesday." That's right,
we can eat no food except for that one day, and until the Second
Holy Reformation seven years ago we couldn't even chew our fingernails
to get us through the week.
Our church has grown very wealthy over the years. We have several
famous members, including actress Calista Flockhart and Michael
Jackson. Both have contributed millions to our church.
The address of the Almighty Church of the Uncle of Noah is 111
E. Svelte Way, Gila Bend, Arizona, USA. My phone is XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Fax is XXX-XXX-XXXX. I am 5'11" and weigh 87 lbs. Now kindly
provide your information, especially your height and most importantly,
weight.
I am eager to help you assist charities in need, including the
Atkins and South Beach people, so please respond promptly.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 11:17 AM
Subject: Please contact the (A.F.S) as you recieve my mails
Dear Brad Christensen
How are you and how is your family hope all is well them, i recieved
your mail and i am very happy about the content of your email,
your been transparency to me and also your honesty to help recieve
this fund to help the needy that must be very kind of you, now
we can proceed forward on how the fund get's to you as soon as
possible.
I will give you the contact of the (ABN FINANCE
AND SECURITIES) (A.F.S) that will remitte the fund directely to
your nominated account where you prefer the fund, through the
Banking transfer proceedure, i have intructed my Bank here to
remitte the fund drectely to the (ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES)
for security reasons/confidenciality, because i don't whereby
any members of my late husband relatives to konw about it.
Now i am giving you the contact to the (ABN
FINANCE AND SECURITIES you will contact the managing director
directly and please do follow their proceedure for qiuck rremittance
of this money into the nominated bank you will provide to them,
Please as soon as you recieve this email from me i want you to
contact the (A.F.S) immediately. also keep me posted on any development,
for advise,
NAME: MANAGING DIRECTOR, DR. MARTINS EKE.
(ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES)
WEBSITE:www.abnfs.com
HONG KONG OFFICE,
CENTRAL HONG KONG ASIA.
DIRECT PHONE: 852 3075 6343.
My Regards.
Your sister in the lord.
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Albannathy:
I have become quite concerned about whether you can be trusted
and whether you are devoted to my church and its teachings. For
some unexplained reason you have refused to respond to the critically
important questions in my last e-mail.
I asked you to kindly provide me with your height and most importantly
your weight. The teachings of our church are important for you
to learn and commit to if you are to gain admittance into the
Kingdom of Heaven, which can only be entered by people with extremely
thin bodies and pure, but iron-deficient, hearts.
Please respond promptly to my request about your height and weight.
Before we can proceed in this transaction you must indicate a
sincere interest in honoring the core beliefs of the Almighty
Church of the First Cousin of Noah. It is our practice to only
conduct business with members of our church.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Dr.Martins Eke
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 12:00 AM
Subject: Fund Transfer.
ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES,
TELEX TRANSFER SECTION,
ASIA PACIFIC.
ATT:MR.BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
FROM:DR.MARTINS EKE,
SIR,
NOTIFICATION OF PAYMENT.
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED
TO TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SUM OF THREE MILLION MILLION SIX
HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY (USD$3,600,000,00)
AND YOU ARE ADVISED TO SEND ME YOUR PASSPORT COPY OR ANY ID AND
YOUR ACCOUNT DETAILS FOR VERIFICATION AND ONWARD TRANSFER OF THE
FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT.
YOUR URGENT REPLY WILL BE APPRECIATED.
REGARDS,
DR MARTIN EKE.
TELEX /FUND TRANSFER SECTION,
ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES, HONGKONG.
DIRECT PHONE:852 3075 6343.
TEL; +852 2575 5006.
FAX; +852 3010 1774.
19/07/2004.
19 July Monday <15:00:07>
Dear Mrs. Abannathy:
I have received a message from ABN Finance and Securities, but
cannot act on it until you respond to my concerns and questions
about whether you are willing to follow the teachings of my church.
In my last two e-mails I asked you to kindly provide me with your
height and most importantly your weight in order to determine
a dietary scheme that will allow you to enter the 12-inch opening
to the Kingdom of Heaven.
The Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah is the Lord's
one true church. We have grown wealthy and very popular throughout
the United States and Rod Serling's Twilight Zone. We operate
under the strict Noah Doctrine, which includes a requirement that
we conduct business only with members of our church. I implore
you to demonstrate your devotion to the Almighty Church of the
First Cousin of Noah. This seems to be a very exciting and wonderful
opportunity to help our children's charity, so please cooperate
without further delay by indicating your height and weight and
your intentions to abide by all church edicts.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 10:51 AM
Subject: Re: Fund Transfer.
Dear Brad Christens
How ae you doing, please why are you so intrested in my weigth
and tons and higth, please i don't really understand what you
maint or needed all this for, doe that is not problem the major
thing now that can i trust regarding my matter by you recieving
this money and use it for the purpose i wanted it for, the you
are going now, if really you can, please i urge to to get across
to the SECURITY COMPANY IN HONG KONG and later get back to me
on any development,
Thanks for cooperation.
Mr Mevinna Abannathy.
Dear Mrs./Mr. Abannathy:
I noticed that you signed off as "Mr. Abannathy" in
your last e-mail. I became confused because you told me in your
first e-mail that your husband had died. But then I remembered
those clinics in Sweden, and well, what you do with your own body
is your business, I suppose.
Anyway, you also told me in your first e-mail that you only expected
to live for three more months due to a "cancer problem"
and a stroke. That means you must prepare yourself now to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven. And that is precisely why you must reveal
your weight and height without further delay. The entrance to
Heaven is a hole in the universe that is a mere 12 inches in diameter.
Therefore you must be extremely thin to pass through the hole
and enter Heaven. Do you understand now???
My church only conducts business with true followers of Noah Doctrine,
which supercedes the Monroe Doctrine and calls for a severely
restricted diet. You must tell me your weight and height and also
indicate a willingness to greatly reduce your food consumption.
Let's not keep the Hong Kong security company waiting any longer.
The widows and orphans you talked about serving in your first
e-mail are in dire need of assistance now.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Tuesday, July 20, 2004 1:36 AM
Subject: get arcoss the security company. hong kong
Dear Brad,
How are you, please it has come to my noticed that knowing my
weigth and higth/; other things you need to know about my size/
situation it will take us little time to go further regarding
this tansfer of this fund, well as a matter of fac,
Here they,
1, my weigth is (55 kg)
2, my heigth is (5 fth)
3, i am a white lady who held from Greece.
4, i strongly believe in your church because there is nothing
God can not do.
Once again thanks for your assistance regarding
my matter.
please i urge you contact Mr Eke on the security company and finalize
with him so that this fund will be remitted into any of your nominated
account you might open for this fund to be remitted into, please
Brad always keep me posted on any development,
Best Regards.
yours sister in christ
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Albannathy:
You revealed your height and weight in the nick of time! With
only a few months to live, you are at grave risk of becoming stuck
in the hole to the Kingdom of Heaven. You are 5 feet tall, but
your weight -- 55 kilograms -- translates to just over 121 lbs.,
way, way to heavy for such a short person. You need to shed approximately
60 lbs. in less than three months. As you know, you may only eat
on Tuesdays as a member of the Almighty Church of the First Cousin
of Noah. But I am imposing an additional restriction -- you may
only eat half of a Weight Watchers meal plus one serving of grubs
and worms on Tuesday. Should you over-eat, you will be asked to
watch the Richard Simmons program. Viewing this program even for
only a minute or so will force an immediate and involuntary purging.
Please let me know that this dietary plan is agreeable to you
and I will contact the Hong Kong security company.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Wednesday, July 21, 2004 8:02 AM
Subject: Re: get arcoss the security company. hong kong
Dear Brad,
Thank you for your mail, i read and understood it very well, your
idear will help me a lot infact with this i may even live longer
that the period doctor told me, i am very happy about your reasonable
advise/idear, May the good God continue to protect you all day
and nigth in Jesus name Amem. this is more reason as from today
i have admited to be a full member of your church.
I will at this moment abide on your advise
it will help me to live a little longer, but all i must forfit
my promise to help the children of God and the needy, so please
i urge you at this point of time, as you recieve and read my mail
i want you to get across to the SECURITY/FINANCE HOUSE HONG KONG.
their are waiting for you to comply, please contact Eke today,
and keep me posted on any development.
Remain Blessed.
Mrs Mevinna Alabannathy.
Dear Mrs. Albannathy:
I will contact the security company today. How is your diet going?
I understand your heritage, but please don't go to any more Big
Fat Greek Weddings.
Please review the information below. It is from the Internet and
it explains the hole in the universe that is the entrance to heaven.
It begins as a black hole, and once you are sucked into that hole
you bounce into a white hole, where your matter is changed and
you become a star that lives in the heavens for jillions of years.
That's right, every star you see was once a member of the Almighty
Church of the First Cousin of Noah who passed on.
Here's the information from the internet. Please commit it to
memory:
" To view our universe as it exists in the two sphere Schwarzschild
model, we must visualize two superimposed sets of spheres, two
"three spaces"; positive and negative...linked by a
common, single process, time dimension. We can call these two
sphere sets the "universe" and "antiverse"
but they are actually part of the same construct.
Why are TWO sets of three spaces necessary in an Einsteinian
universe? The answer is found in the role of singularity in the
cosmos, and the very nature of the General Relativity concept
itself, which when extended to a cosmology demands two three/
spaces to make sense.
First, he collapse of a first three /space results in a clearly
defined "place" (Planck region) where cosmic parameters
as found in our reality do not exist. The collapsed three /space
and the energy it contains, moves "along the axis" and
emerges at an opposite antipode as a white hole, cosmologically
separated, on the other side of time.
The "axis" of space/time near singularity can be considered
a two/sphere of Planck dimensions...a tiny hole in a two/doughnut.
Elsewhere, space/time is marginally closed (Omega 1.03) and more
conventionally spherical. If the reader is somewhat lost in this
description, one upshot of all this spherical geometry is a phenomenon
we call "scale"...large and small- at 360 degrees, from
every frame of reference in the universe. Another is the creation
of a vast number- and almost infinite variety of 4D event horizon
surfaces...on which everything we observe exists- permanently."
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:03 AM
Subject: i am waiting
Dear Brad Christensen.
Good day and how are you today, please have
you contacted the security company. please if, then kindly get
back to me so taht i can know what is happening, i want the fund
transfer into you account before this week ruins off all depend
on your quick co-operation/response.
Please waiting to hear from you.
My Regards.
Mrs M. Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Albanathy:
Please be patient, I will contact the security company today.
When I have some time, I will explain that our church traces all
the way back to the Great Flood and Noah's Ark. That is why we
abhor wetness. So please, I ask you to immediately stop showering
and bathing. You will learn from me that Noah was not alone with
all those animals. He had several cousins and Barney, his first
cousin, was the brains of the bunch. In fact, about all Noah did
was go around with his pail and shovel and clean up after the
animals.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
To ABN Finance and Securities
Dear Dr. Eke:
Mrs. Albannathy has finally agreed to join my church and abide
by its teachings. Please inform me what I am to do regarding the
transaction. I do not want to waste any more time in this matter.
There are a great many widows and orphans who could be helped
by this money. Needless delay harms all of us.
May peace be with you and may Barney be in your heart. Amen!
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: DR.MARTINS EKE
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 10:41 PM
Subject: NOTIFICATION OF PAYMENT.
ABN FINANCE & SECURITIES,
TELEX TRANSFER SECTION,
ASIA PACIFIC.
ATT:MR.BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
WEBSITE: www.abnfs.com,
FROM:DR.MARTINS EKE,
SIR,
NOTIFICATION OF PAYMENT.
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED
TO TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SUM OF THREE MILLION SIX HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY (USD$3,600,000,00) AND YOU
ARE ADVISED TO SEND ME YOUR PASSPORT COPY OR ANY ID AND YOUR ACCOUNT
DETAILS FOR VERIFICATION AND ONWARD TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO YOUR
ACCOUNT.
YOUR URGENT REPLY WILL BE APPRECIATED.
REGARDS,
DR.MARTINS EKE,
TELEX/FUND TRANSFER SECTION,
ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES,
CENTRAL HONGKONG.
D/L: 852 3075 6343.
24/07/2004.
24JulySaturday<13:41:30>
Dear Dr. Eke:
Please transfer the money to my church account at the Gila Bend
branch of Bank of America. The account number is 122109816, It
is a savings account the church has nurtured for 23 years. The
money will be used for charitable purposes, including the Atkins
and South Beach Foundations.
Regarding my I.D., I do not have a scanner, but my information
is as follows:
Name: Pastor Brad Christensen, Ph.D., SOB
Address: Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah, 111 E. Svelte
Way, Gila Bend, AZ, USA 85222.
Phone: 602-432-1339
Fax: 623-878-2791
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 86 lbs.
Birth date: Feb. 3, 1938
Driver's License number: L286-193
Social Security Number: 592-88-2994
Simmons Dial-A-Meal membership number: 2509
Please let me know if there are any other details I need to disclose.
May Peace be with you and may Barney give you everlasting hope.
Pastor Brad Christensen
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 11:19 PM
Subject: ACCOUNT CREATED WITH ABN FINANCE.
ATTN: BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
FROM; DR.MARTINS EKE,
ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES,
CENTRAL HONGKONG.
SIR,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR ACCOUNT HAVE BEEN CREATED WITH
ABN FINANCE AND SECURITIES, SO YOU CAN ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT ONLINE
NOW. I SEND THIS TO YOU FROM THE SERVER YESTERDAY, DON'T KNOW
IF YOU GET IT.
BUT YOU NEED TO RE-ACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT WITH
THE SUM OF FIVE THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS($5,000.00 USD),
SO YOU HAVE TO SEND THE FUND THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
ON THE NAME OF PEDRO LEE WHO IS THE ATTORNEY IN CHARGE. MIND YOU,
THIS AMOUNT YOU ARE SENDING WILL BE ADDED TO YOUR FUND IN OUR
ACCOUNT. JUST BECAUSE THE ACCOUNT IS DOMANT, YOU NEED TO RE-ACTIVATE
IT.IT IS NO FEE OR ANY CHARGE. THE FIVE THOUSAND UNITED STATES
DOLLARS WILL BE IN YOUR ACCOUNT TOO. TO ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT ONLINE,
YOU TYPE IN www.abnfs.com, ON YOUR TOP LEFT, YOU WILL SEE ACCOUNT
OPENING AND ON TOP OF IT YOU WILL SEE e-BANKOS LOG ON, CLICK ON
IT AND IT WILL BRING A PAGE WHERE YOU WILL TYPE IN YOUR NAME AS
WRITTEN BELOW ON THE AC/USERNAME, AND WHERE YOU SEE THE PIN, YOU
TYPE IN THE NUMBERS BELOW IN THE PASSWORD.
REGARDS,
DR.MARTINS EKE,
TELEX/FUND TRANSFER SECTION,
ABN FINANCE & SECURITIES
CENTRAL HONG KONG.
D/L: 852 3075 6343.
28/07/2004.
YOUR ACCOUNT INFO:
BRAD CHRISTENSEN, $3.5M (name:bchristensen,pass:74685621)
1124-41020-13686
Dear Dr. Eke:
I am a little concerned about the cost of opening an account.
Five thousand dollars seems a bit steep. Why so high? Are Acco
file folders really that expensive in Hong Kong? I can open another
account at my bank for free, so is there a good reason why we
shouldn't do that instead? Also, I have never communicated with
Pedro Lee. Can you please ask Pedro to e-mail me so that we can
become acquainted? I do not even know if he is a religious man.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 7:03 AM
Subject: MRS MEVINNA ALBANNATHY
HELLO DEAR BRAD,
GOOD DAY AND HOW ARE YOU, PLEASE HAVE YOU ROUND
UP WITH MR EKE IN THE SECURITY COMPANY, PLEASE WHAT IS THE DEVELOPMENT
NOW, TELL ME SO THAT I CAN ADVISE YOU ON WHAT TO DO,REGARDS.
MRS MEVINNA ALBANNATHY
Dear Mrs. Albannathy:
Yes, I have submitted all my information to Dr. Eke and am ready
to proceed with the transaction as soon as Dr. Eke responds to
my request to clear up a few details. These are exciting times
for my worldwide church and its many charities for widows and
orphans with anorexia.
Please tell me you are strictly following the scriptures of the
First Cousin of
Noah. What is your current weight? It's Wednesday, so I hope you
didn't over-eat
yesterday. I forgot to mention that the grubs and worms lose that
gamey taste when sauted with a little garlic. Please also affirm
that you have stopped showering and bathing out of respect for
Noah saving all species of life on the planet from the Great Flood.
I thank God that Noah had dozens of cousins and that he put First
Cousin Barney in charge because they faced so many trials and
tribulations. Did you know there are 40,000 species of animals
native to that pip-squeak country Switzerland alone? Well Barney
and the rest of the Noah clan had to round up one male and one
female of every single species, from elephants to insects, across
the entire globe. This wasn't merely mind-numbing and physically
draining. It also resulted in severe eye strain, especially when
inspecting flies to determine their sex. And let me tell you,
you want a challenge? Just try keeping Mr. and Mrs. anteater away
from Mr. and Mrs. ant! Now I hope you can fully appeciate the
struggles that the First Cousin of Noah endured to preserve all
life on our planet. Hail to thee, Barney!
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 9:28 PM
Subject: The money is for account activation.
Hello Brad Christensen,
Thanks for your mail.
I want you to know that the fee is not for
opening of an account but it is for the activation of your account.
It will also be added to your total sum.
Mainwhile, there is no need for you to know
Pedro Lee, he is not in position to discuss with you all I want
him to do is to collect this money from you and deposit it with
the finance house here.
Regards,
Dr.Martins Eke.
Dear Dr. Eke:
I am deeply troubled by your last e-mail and am beginning to
have second thoughts about this whole deal. That is why I have
not responded until now. First, what's the difference between
opening and activating an account? And why would it take $5,000
to activate the account when all you have to do is expend a very
slight amount of effort to type something into a computer? That'd
take 10 seconds maximum. So I did a little math and am stunned.
Are typists really paid more than $1 million per hour in Hong
Kong?
Another problem is this cloak of secrecy surrounding Pedro Lee.
I must know that he is a religious man before I enter into this
deal. Please provide answers to these questions so there will
be no more needless delays on your part.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2004 3:15 AM
Subject: Re: MRS MEVINNA ALBANNATHY
DEAR BRAD.
I ABIDE BY YOUR ADVISE, BUT WHY ARE YOU DELAYING
THIS HELP I WANT YOU DO TO THE NEEDY KINDLY COMPLY TO THE BANKING
AND FINANCE DIRECTIVES OF SO THAT THE SECURITY COMPANY WILL REMITTE
THIS MONEY TO YOU AND I WANT YOU TO GIVE THEM TO THE NEEDY, PLEASE
STOP DELAYING GET TO MR EKE SPEAK WITH HIM AND CMPLY WITH DIRECTIVE
DO WHAT HE ASK YOU TO DO DO YOU UNDERSTAND MR BRAD,
GET BACK TO ME A SYOU DO THIS WITH THE INSTRUCTION.
THANK YOU.
MRS MEVINNA ALBANNATHY
Dear Mrs. Abannathy:
Why, Sister Abannathy, do you refuse to answer your Pastor's
questions? You must tell me how much weight you've lost in the
past week. We need to confirm you're on track to reach our goal
of 60 lbs. (27 kg) before you die in three months. We may need
to revamp your diet, replacing those beefy worms with dehydrated
slugs.
And what precautions are you taking to keep dry? No showers or
baths! Stay out of the rain! And no sweating! Just one drop of
perspiration may be a sign of a looming outbreak. Two drops trigger
a glandular emergency and a dash for the sponge. And should a
sponge be out of reach, you must immediately drop and roll in
the dirt to dry any major release. As a precautionary measure
I spend most of my waking hours in the cool, dry basement, next
to the wine, allowing the water heater to comfort me with its
soothing hum.
Yesterday I questioned this whole transaction and began searching
for answers regarding your uncooperative nature. I decided to
deliver my Sermon on the Mount to my flock of followers so I ventured
to the top of the landfill. I asked the Lord Barney to deliver
us a sign if Mrs. Albannathy is a true believer. He spat forth
six droplets and maybe some thunder if you listened very closely.
Don't know about you, but that sure convinced me! Six drops is
a record for Gila Bend in July.
Please promptly answer my questions so we can proceed in great
haste.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Friday, July 30, 2004 10:04 AM
Subject: YOU DO AS DIRECTED.
HELLO BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL.
TO START WITH, THIS SAID ACCOUNT HAS BEEN OPENEND
FOR YOUR WHICH YOU CAN SEE FROM WHAT WE SEND TO YOU AND YOU CAN
ACCESS THE ACCOUNT ONLINE, BUT BECAUSE OF THE BIG AMOUNT INVOLVED,
IT IS DORMANT SO HAS TO BE ACTIVATED.THOUGH, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
YOU KNOW THAT THE $5,000 USD WILL BE ADDED TO YOUR TOTAL SUM,SO
YOU WILL STILL SEE THE FUND IN YOUR ACCOUNT WHEN ACTIVATED.
THE ISSUE OF PEDRO LEE BEING A CHRISTIAN OR
NOT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS, HE IS ONLY GOING TO DO HIS WORK AS INSTRUCTED
BY THE FINANCE HOUSE MANAGEMENT.YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED OF THE DIRECTORS
RELIGIOUS LIFE BEFORE DEALING WITH THE FINANCE HOUSE IN THE FIRST
PLACE.IF YOU NEED MR. PEDRO LEE'S EMAIL ADDRESS, I CAN GIVE IT
TO YOU BUT NOT ON THE GROUND OF WANTING TO KNOW IF HE IS A CHRISTIAN
OR NOT, YOU ARE TRYING TO GO INTO HIS PRIVATE LIFE BECAUSE HE
WANTS TO GIVE YOU AN ASSISTANCE.IT IS NOT DONE LIKE THAT HERE
IN HONG KONG.
IF YOU CANNOT SEND THE MONEY AS DIRECTED BY
THE FINANCE HOUSE, IN LESS THAN FIVE WORKING DAYS, THE ACCOUNT
WILL BE DECLARED DORMANT AND YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY AN EXTRA FEE
BEFORE OPERATING IT.
REGARDS,
DR.MARTINS EKE.
Dear Dr. Eke:
Thank you so much for the terrific explanation about the account.
It will be no problem for me to pay $5,000 to activate it. My
church raises $5,000 every minute of every day from our worldwide
believers. However, I first must know that Pedro Lee is a religious
man who is open to conversion to my one true faith. Under our
church doctrine, we may only do business with those of like minds
and emaciated bodies.
Please have Mr. Lee e-mail me immediately so we can proceed without
further needless delays on your part.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Friday, July 30, 2004 11:28 AM
Subject: Re: MRS MEVINNA ALBANNATHY
dear please my health is disturbing be badly.
i will get back to you later pls
mrs mevinna
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Saturday, July 31, 2004 11:50 AM
Subject: MRS MEVINNA
Dear Brad.
How are you, please sorry for the delay, in
responding to your mail. please i am sorry. it was due to my health
standard i was down for the past three days the illness is disturbing
me bad so called my doctor to atend to me and i was giving bed
rest, this is the reason why i could not access my mail, please
have the Mr Eke remitted the fund to your account, please i wan
to know and please like i told you early that this transfer must
be done legaly, you must comply to the BANKING AND SECURITY COMPANY
directives so that they can remitte this fund as soon as possible
to your account, do you understand, please my day are counted
you need to act fast, i want this fund remitted into your account
next so that you can go on to donate it to the nnedy and churchies,/
motherless babies, charity home, please Dear Brad, i handed this
over to because you are a believer full respect man of God, please
as you comply to my instruction and also the legal directive of
the transaction, may you remain blessed.
Regards.
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Abannathy:
I'm so glad you're feeling better. Praise be to Barney! However,
I believe your illness caused a temporary memory lapse because
you've forgotten again to answer my questions. I asked whether
you had lost any weight and whether you were staying dry. Please
answer these questions immediately so we can move forward with
the transaction.
It is Sunday and I feel quite weak today. Thank Barney that Fat
Tuesday is just the day after tomorrow! At times of weakness and
incessent stomach growling, I conjure up scripture about the parting
of the waters to get me through the day. Yes, it's true, many
years ago Barney parted the waters of Gila Bend's major irrigation
canal and walked across without getting a drop on him. And while
doing so, He bent over and plucked a crawdad that was hiding underneath
a broken Pepsi bottle. Well, lo and behold, Barney performed a
second miracle that day! From that one crawdad he fed all 48 of
his cousins, and Noah, too! A piece of that very Pepsi bottle
was saved and handed down through the generations. Today this
relic constantly is on tour around the world, allowing true believers
everywhere to view this Holy Shard of Turin'.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Pedro Lee
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Sunday, August 01, 2004 9:38 PM
Subject: A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE.
PASTOR BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
I WAS INSTRUCTED BY DR. MARTINS EKE TO SEND
YOU MAIL AND TELL YOU MORE ABOUT MY CHRISTIAN LIFE.
HOWEVER, I AM FROM SOUTH KOREA AND BORN FROM
A CHRISTIAN FAMILY OF SIX, I AM THE LAST IN MY FAMILY.THOUGH,
PRESENTLY, I AM LIVING IN HONG KONG AND WORK WITH ABN FINANCE
AND SECURITIES AS THE FINANCE HOUSE ATTORNEY.
MY MUM IS OLD NOW AND MY FATHER IS LATE. WE
SO MUCH BELIEVE IN GOD THAT ALL OUR FAMILIES LEFT OUR TRANDITION
DOCTRINE AND DECIDED TO FOLLOW THE WAY OF THE BELIEVERS. I AM
MARRIED AND WEDDED IN THE LIVING CHURCH.
SO, THAT IS ALL ABOUT ME AND MY CHRISTIAN LIFE,
IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE QUESTION ABOUT ME, PLEASE FEEL VERY FREE
TO CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY.
REGARDS,
PEDRO LEE.
Dear Mr. Lee:
Bless you for sending along the four-paragraph history of your
life. It's as insightful and inspiring as the collected works
of Ann Coulter. Unfortunately your frequent mentions of your Christian
belief are quite troubling. The Almighty Church of the First Cousin
of Noah practices Barneyism, not Christianity. Barneyism is based
on the life of Saint Barney, First Cousin of Noah and Protector
of Mayberry.
It is our belief that only practitioners of Barneyism may enter
the Kingdom of Heaven. Our religion permits us to only conduct
business with those who share our beliefs. Are you willing to
study and convert to Barneyism? I pray that you will respond with
a resounding, "Yes, I will!" Please do not delay. Time
is running short and I an eager to finalize our transaction.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Sunday, August 01, 2004 10:39 PM
Subject: I have told him to reach you.
Hello Pastor Brad Christensen,
Thanks for your mail.
I have already discussed with Pedro Lee and
asked him to write an email to you and discuss with you.
But mind you, this is out of our banking regulation.
Regards,
Dr.Martins Eke.
Dear Dr. Eke:
Thank you for your efforts. I will contact you the moment Mr.
Lee satisfies my religious concerns. In the meantime, would you
please ask Mrs. Albannathy to respond to the very simple questions
in my last e-mail to her? I am growing very tired of her delays.
Why is she trying to delay this transaction? Please tell her we
have wasted too much time already.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sancuatry Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Monday, August 02, 2004 7:59 PM
Subject: Thanks for your mail.
Hello Pastor Brad Christensen,
Thanks for your mail.
Please you should be the person to contact
the lady, as I am just doing my banking work and that is to make
payment to you.
I don't know any other part if not you that
is the beneficiary of the fund.
Regards,
Dr.Martins Eke.
Dear Dr. Eke:
I will take your advice and keep trying to squeeze answers out
of Mrs. Albannathy. For the Love of Barney, I hope she's as tight-lipped
at supper time! Wish me luck.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Pedro Lee
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Monday, August 02, 2004 8:12 PM
Subject: I NEED TO KNOW MORE OF THIS.
DEAR PASTOR BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
I DID RECIEVED YOUR MAIL WITH MIX FEELINGS.
YOU SAID THAT ONLY THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN " Barneyism"
WILL MAKE HEAVEN, IF THAT IS FOR REAL, WHY, ALL I WANT IS TO MAKE
HEAVEN AND IF YOUR BARNEYISM IS THE ONLY MEANS OF GETTING TO HEAVEN,
PLEASE I AM READY TO JOIN YOU.
I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS HONESTLY.IF
THIS IS FOR REAL, I AM READY TO GET ALL MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY CONVERTED
TO YOUR CHURCH.
REGARDS,
PEDRO LEE.
Dear Mr. Lee:
Praise be to Barney. Briefly the core beliefs of our very successful
worldwide religion are as follows:
The entrance to Heaven is a 12-inch diameter hole in the universe.
You must be extremely thin to pass through the hole. That's why
we eat on only one day -- Fat Tuesday -- and fast on all other
days.
In remembrance of Noah's Ark and the rescue of man and all animal
species from the Great Flood, we stay dry at all times. Above
all else we pray to Barney, the first cousin of Noah. It was Saint
Barney who was the brains of the Ark operation and therefore all
of us owe our lives to Him. Therefore we stay out of the rain
and do not shower or bathe.
There are other beliefs as well, including one dealing with the
sanctity of the crawdad. I will explain those later. But for now
will you agree to eat only on Tuesday and never get wet again?
These may be difficult sacrifices, but they will lead to everlasting
life. Please join us for your salvation and the salvation of your
entire family!
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Tuesday, August 03, 2004 3:35 AM
Subject: comply with the security company
Dear Brad,
How are you, please i am very sorry for that
uncallful delay in replying your mail please do not be angry,
is cause by my illness doe i have not lost any weight i am still
maintaining the way you priscrible my feeding day noon/nigth,
i hav not lost any weight, please i have seen how powerfull your
church is, because i have so much believe in your church, as real
God own's church, i am so glad, please once more i am sorry for
the little delay in responding to your email.
I contacted MR EKE THE M.D. OF THE SECURITY
COMPANY HONG KONG. to if the fund has been transfered into your
account he told me your are delaying to comply. by their directive
according to the HONG-KONG law of banking and transfer, please
dear brad i urge you to comply with them because i wan this money
into your account latest friday this very week please as son as
you get this mail comply with their directive the you understand,
i want you to give this money to the needy and assist the motherless
babies, build churchies also. so please get across the security
company as you read this mail.
Thank you For kind gesture,
Regards,
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Abannathy:
I am shocked, saddened and dismayed that you haven't even dropped
an ounce! Your lack of progress calls for emergency procedures
if you are to squeeze into the kingdom of heaven. You are in immediate
need of stomach stapling or gastric bypass surgery. Because these
procedures are a major part of the Barneyism seminary curriculum
they can be administered by me, as a graduate, class of 1946.
With my slicing and dicing I guarantee a fine walnut-sized stomach.
I can schedule a flight to the Ivory Coast within the next week.
Do you live in Abijan or another city? What days are you free
for the surgery? I cannot fly you here to perform the operation
due to a few little malpractice misunderstandings. Respond immediately
and I will book my flight. Your future depends on a rapid response.
On that other matter, I have contacted Dr. Eke and agreed to
pay the very reasonable $5,000 activation fee. However, your emergency
surgery certainly comes first.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Pedro Lee
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Tuesday, August 03, 2004 10:43 AM
Subject: Thanks for the explanation.
Dear Pastor Brad Christensen,
Thanks for your mail and the explanation. You
have really lectured me on this and I am ready to join, but where
I will find it difficult is the bathing issue.Though, with time,
I will be used to it.
I will try the best I can to get you more converts.
Regards,
Pedro Lee.
Dear Mr. Lee:
You will grow accustomed to the dirt and grime that likely will
accumulate. In fact there are added benefits. After a year or
so you will develop a thick outer layer that cannot be penetrated
by mosquitos, a real plus in these days of West Nile Virus and
other deadly diseases.
In my previous e-mail I mentioned the sanctity of the crawdad.
That is because Barney performed a miracle and was able to feed
all his followers with a single crawdad many years ago. Therefore
every Tuesday, which is our holy day, we dress up in crawdad costumes
for services. You will be required to sew your own full-body crawdad
suits for your entire family. I prefer red material with straightened
out coat hangers for the antenna and barbecue tongs for the pinchers.
Since I'm not sure crawdads are native to Hong Kong, I have attached
a picture.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 10:06 AM
Subject: comply with the security company according to the (LAW)
Dear Brad,
Good day please, have recieve my mail and have
Mr Eke remitted the fund to your account, or hav you not comply
their proceedure acording to the HONG KONG LAW, please if not
try and do according to the law, i want this fund remitted to
your nominated account now taht i am still alive so thatyou can
share this money to the need,help the motherless babies assist
in church building go to charity homes, hepl them, please. dear
brad,
Thank you for your kind gesture and i have
immediately comply with your adivse to my health, i have contacted
my doctor,
Regards.
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Mrs. Abannathy:
Why do you refuse to answer my questions? I have offered to fly
to wherever you live to perform the necessary gastric-bypass and
stomach-stapling surgeries, but you fail to respond to my questions
about where you live and what days you're free for the surgery.
Regarding the stapling procedure, I was even planning to give
you a choice. I was going to bring both the Bostitch and Swingline
models. So what if you have contacted your doctor? No doctors
in the Ivory Coast are credentialed for the type of surgery you
need. I've even heard rumors about some of them trying it with
paperclips instead of staples.
Due to your inability to deal squarely with me, I hearby am excommunicating
you from the Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah! You
are banished from the Kingdom of Barney! You are gone. There will
be no transaction with you now or ever. You're Forgotten. Good
bye. Adios. And don't blame me when your fat ass gets stuck in
the hole!
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: Martins Eke
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Monday, August 16, 2004 12:15 AM
Subject: DORMANT ACCOUNT.
ATTN: BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
FROM: CYBER SECTION,
ABN FINANCE & SECURITIES.
MRS. PATRICIA BOYKIN,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FUND HAD BEEN
LAYING HERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME NOW AND NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE
TO IT, SO YOU HAVE SEVEN DAYS FROM TODAY TO ACTIVATE IT OR THE
ACCOUNT WILL BE DECLARED DORMANT AND FUND RETURNED BACK TO WHERE
IT CAME FROM.
IF THIS IS DONE, THIS OFFICE WILL NOT BE BLAME
FOR YOU HAVE REFUSED TO DO AS DIRECTED AND WE CAN'T CONTINUE TO
WAIT FOR NOTHING.
REGARDS,
T.T. SECTION,
ABN FINANCE & SECURITIES.
16/08/2004.
Dear Dr. Eke:
I was ready to forward the $5,000 activation fee, but Mrs. Albannathy
forced me to excommunicate her from my church because of her unwillingness
to answer my questions relating to her eternal salvation. I generously
offered to fly to the Ivory Coast to provide for her surgical
needs, but she would not say when or where she could be reached.
I could be convinced to reconsider my decision to banish her from
the Kingdom of Barney, but it would have to be right away. That
is because I am scheduled to fly to North Carolina on Friday for
the pilgrimage of a lifetime. Archeologists have uncovered a cave
formerly used by Barney for his dry baptism ceremonies. See yesterday's
amazing Associated Press article, which I have attached...
Yours in Barney,
Pastor Brad Christensen
Almighty Church of the Cousin of Noah
----- Original Message -----
From: mrsmevinna abannathy
To: Brad Christensen
Sent: Friday, August 20, 2004 8:33 AM
Subject: SORRY FOR THE DELAY.
Dear Brad,
How are you please i am sorry for not been
able to contact you for some days now,
this is because i have been rushed to a private specialist hopital
in Cotonou Republic Of Benin West Africa for more treatment, and
all along i did not have access to the internet.
My Regards
Mrs Mevinna Albannathy.
Dear Former Person:
You currently do not exist in the eyes of Saint Barney because
you have been excommunicated from the Almighty Church of the First
Cousin of Noah. This is unfortunate because the tenets of our
church prohibit me from doing any business with non-members.
However, as Spiritual Sanctuary Director, I am empowered to set
down conditions by which you may gain provisional membership in
the church. There are two conditions:
First Condition - As a penitential discipline for your sins against
Barney, you must complete 12 hours of missionary work. This work
must consist of door-to-door visits in your community. During
these visits you are to discourage the unholy practice ofshowering/bathing
by collecting your neighbors' bars of soap and bottles of shampoo.
Then, wearing your crawdad suit, you are to immediately proceed
to the village square and burn all collected contraband in a bonfire.
Second Condition - For your own eternal salvation, you must answer
all my questions and you may no longer refuse the necessary gastric
bypass surgery. Tell me without further hesitation when I may
travel to the Ivory Coast to take care of this procedure.
Once these conditions are met, I shall send you a provisional
membership card that will allow us to immediately finalize our
transaction. As you know, I have raised the $5,000 to activate
the account in Hong Kong. So please do not delay.
Pastor Brad Christensen
Spiritual Sanctuary Director
Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah
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