----- Original Message -----
From: "phillip uthunu" <philliputhunu@kukamail.com>
To: <bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Monday, August 11, 2003 7:26 PM
Subject: need your help
Hello,
I am BARR.PHILLIP UTHUNU,legal solicitor Standard
TrustBank Nig Plc.
Four years ago a banker of ours died mysteriously and he was Irish
by
nationality. He left in his account a huge sum of money in
foreign currency ($12.2million united state dollars).
Since our bankers' death none of his relatives or next of kin
have
shown up to collect his money. We the bank authorities
have sent several messages to the Irish authorities and embassy
and
none of them have been able to come up with any positive results.
Recently the chairman of the board of directors
of the bank called me
and told me in confidence and trust to source for a reliable
foreigner who would stand as our bankers next of kin. If you are
interested in taking this opportunity to make it big then reply
this
mail .
I assure you that this transaction is risk
free and you have the right to choose the
percentage-sharing rate after the money has been transferred to
your account. I also require your
tel/fax no if you have any. Waiting to hear from you as soon as
you receive this mail.
Subject to your satisfaction i will want you
to respond to me if you are
interested and the funds will be transfered to your account in
14 working
days from the day of commencement.
Regards
BARR.phillip uthunu.
NB.
We (myself and the chairman have reasoned that if we fail to collect
this money the Nigerian government will confisticate it and someone
else will end up looting it.
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Your business proposal sounds like it holds great promise, and
I agree it would be immoral for us to allow some other cretin
to loot money that should be ours. I happen to feel entitled to
that money because I am of Irish ancestry and have the birth certificate,
freckles and alcoholism to prove it.
Please provide more details of the transaction immediately. I
have become quite wealthy on my own by dealing face to face in
business matters. If the details of your proposal sound workable,
I would like to meet you personally at a location of your choosing.
Our meeting must be held soon because I am facing a very tight
schedule here in California, where I am running for Governor in
the state's first recall election.
I am considered one of the favorites in the upcoming recall election
because I have built quite a reputation as a successful professional
wrestler and movie actor. Yes, that was me who was in "Finding
Nemo." Currently I am dredging the lagoon at Disneyland while
I await my next major role.
Please indicate where and when we can hold our face-to-face meeting
to iron out the details of our transaction. I urgently await your
response.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Dredging and Productions
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2003 2:56 PM
Subject: THANK YOU
DEAR FRIEND,
I WANT TO USE THIS MEDIUM TO THANK YOU FOR ACCEPTING THIS PROPOSAL.
I WILL SEND YOU THE NECCESSARY DETAILS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
THIS TRANSACTION.
REGARDS,
BAR.PHILLIP UTHUNU
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Please send the details with greatest haste. I would like to consummate
our deal quickly in order to properly finance my campaign for
Governor of California. Currently I am trailing candidates Gary
Coleman, Freddy Krueger and several of the Muppets in funding.
I already have committed $580,000 of my own money, plus a large
number of Happy Meals coupons, to the campaign. However, I need
much more to effectively spread my message across the most populous
state in the USA.
Also, please indicate your choice of a meeting location. Airline
travel no longer is a problem for me now that regurgitation bags
have become standard equipment.
Full speed ahead to wealth beyond our wildest dreams!
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Dredging and Productions
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: "phillip uthunu" <philliputhunu@kukamail.com>
To: <brad>
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2003 3:29 AM
Subject: THE DETAILS
DEAR FRIEND,
COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY TO YOU.I RECEIVED YOUR MAILS AND I WANT
YOU TO KNOW
THAT WE HAVE FASHIONED OUT A WAY WITH WHICH THIS TRANSACTION CAN
BE HANDLED
WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM WITH YOUR FULL CORPORATION AND FOR YOU TO
BE SURE OF WHAT I AM
SAYING I WOULD WANT YOU TO CALL ME ON MY DIRECT LINE 234 8034048485
SO THAT WE CAN
DISCUSS MORE. FURTHERMORE,WE AGREED THAT UPON RECEIPT OF THE FUNDS
INTO THE BANK ACCOUNT THAT YOU WILL NOMINATE FOR THIS TRANSACTION,YOU
SHOULD WITHOLD 20%,
60% FOR MY COLLEAGUES AND MY SELF WHILE THE REMAINING 20% HAS
BEEN
EARMARKED FOR BOTH LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES THAT MIGHT
BE INCURRED
BY BOTH PARTIES IN THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSACTION.
HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO CARRY OUT THIS TRANSACTION,I
WANT YOU FILL THE
APPLICATION FOR CLAIMS WHICH I HAVE ATTACHED TO THIS AND SUBMIT
TO THE BANK
VIA FAX OR THROUGH THAT BANK'S EMAIL,AFTER SUBMITTING THE APPLICATION,
I
WILL THEN RETRIEVE THE DOCUMENTS USED IN THE SETTING UP OF THE
ACCOUNT INITIALLY
FROM THE FILE OF OUR LATE CUSTOMER AND THEN SLOT IN YOUR NAME
AS THE NEXT OF
KIN AND PROCESS OTHER DOCUMENTS THAT WILL HAVE
YOU AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY. THESE DOCUMENTS WOULD BE SENT
TO YOU ALSO
ON PROCUREMENT.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE WORKED OUT
MODALITIES ON HOW THIS
TRANSACTION WOULD BE CARRIED OUT SUCCESSFULLY IN THE SHORTEST
POSSIBLE TIME.I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO CONSOLIDATING OUR RELATIONSHIP
IN THE NEAR FUTURE.PLEASE I WILL
LIKE TO USE THIS SAME OPPORTUNITY TO RE-AFFIRM MY PLEDGE FOR CONFIDENTIALITY
AS
YOU KNOW THIS TRANSACTION MUST ME KEPTSECRET BECAUSE OF IT'S NATURE.
MEANWHILE, MY DIRECT EMAIL ADDRESS STILL REMAINS
philliputhunu@kukamail.com,YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR
TO MAIL ME UPON RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL FOR MORE CLARIFICATION AS
THE CASE
MAYBE.
BEST REGARDS AND GOD BLESS.
Br.phillip uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
I have completed the form you sent and reproduced it below. My
legal name is Brad "The Respirator" Christensen. I had
the nickname officially added during my wrestling career.
The election, scheduled for Oct. 7, is less than two months away.
Please act fast by providing me with a location where we can meet
within the next week or so. Time is running short and I need to
be able to fund my campaign by at least another $1 million.Already
today, one of my main rivals, Arnold "The Terminator"
Schwarzenegger, signed up wealthy investor Warren Buffett as an
aide. Of course, I immediately countered by hiring Jimmy Buffett,
but still I am worried.
Here's the filled-out form:
GENERAL MANAGER
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK.
90 MARINA STREET ABUJA
EMAIL:stbadbng@mail15.com
DEAR SIR,
APPLICATION FOR RELEASE/TRANSFER OF BALANCE ON ACCOUNT NO: B6012503
(Mr.John Norman) TO MY ACCOUNT
. Gallagher's Bank of Burbank, LB-567-00923452k-8567-BB6
.
I HEREBY APPLY FOR THE RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF THE BALANCE ON
THE ABOVE NAMED ACCOUNT.
I AM . Brad "The Respirator" Christensen .
THE NEXT OF KIN OF THE LATE ENGINEER MR.JOHN NORMAN
WHO IS AN AMERICAN OIL CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR WITH THE GOVERNMENT
OF NIGERIA . THIS CLAIM IS BELATED BECAUSE THE DECEASED’S
WILL WAS ONLY EXECUTED A WEEK AGO DUE TO SOME PROCESSES WE HAD
TO UNDERGO. THE WILL REVEALED THE DECEASED HAD SOME BALANCE ON
HIS ACCOUNT WITH YOUR BANK (ACCOUNT NO: B6012503)
BY COPY OF THIS LETTER THE FUND IN THE STATED ACCOUNT TO THE
TUNE OF US$18.5M SHOULD BE TRANSFERRED TO MY ACCOUNT.
BELOW ARE MY BANKS/PEROSNAL DETAILS FOR THE TRANSFER:
NAME IN FULL:
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen .
CONTACT ADDRESS: 86 Gray Davis Blvd., Barstow, CA 90246
All the best,
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2003 7:38 PM
Subject: NO PROBLEM
DEAR BRAD,
I HAVE SEEN YOUR TEXT OF APPLICATION I WILL SEND IT TO THE BANK
AND THEY WILL SEND YOU THE NECCESSARY DOCUMENT YOU WILL NEED FOR
THE CLARIFICATION OF THE FUNDS.
THANKS FOR YOUR FULL
COOPERATION.
BEST OF REGARDS,
BR.PHILLIP UTHUNU
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Thank you for sending the application along to the bank. However,
you failed to respond to my question about when and where I should
fly to meet you before the deal is closed. I conduct all business
matters with a solid handshake to ensure honesty by all parties.
Please respond rapidly because election day is approaching and
I need the extra money for saturation advertising on my favorite
program, "Mr. Ed" on the TV Land Channel.
I also have an offer for you, assuming you are the right man for
the job. I've been announcing to the media the people on my campaign
team who will be serving important posts in my administration,
should I be elected. I currently have not decided whom to nominate
for the directorship of either the Global Economic Development
Division or the International Trade & Investment Office. I
am wondering if you might be interested in either position.
You would be joining a great team. Check out the following roster
of those who've already agreed to serve in the administration
of "The Respirator:"
Athletic Commission - Director Woody Allen, Deputy Pee Wee Herman
Crime & Violence Prevention Center - Director Vito Corleone,
Deputy Barney Fife
Office of Privacy Protection - Director John Ashcroft, Deputy
Barbara Walters
Optometry Board - Director Stevie Wonder
California Youth Authority - Cardinal Bernard Law
Department of Veterans Affairs - Director Jane Fonda, Deputy Sean
Penn
Civil Rights Bureau - Director David Duke, Deputy Trent Lott
Spousal Abuse Prevention Program - Director O.J. Simpson
As you can see, I have lured a blend of the most experienced people
in their fields of endeavor to the Christensen team. Would you
agree to join this illustrious team, Mr. Uthunu?
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Productions & Dredging Service
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Saturday, August 16, 2003 5:48 AM
Subject: INFORMATION
hello,
goodday,
i want to use this medium to reach you and telling you at the
same time, that the bank is in process with your document for
the transaction,and if there is any problem they will contact
you to pass any other information they might need.
and as for my email it's still the same but
for now you will be reaching me on phillip_uthunu@kukamail.com
best of regards,
solicitor for stb,
Br.PHILLIP UTHUNU
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
I thank you for your efforts, however, you still have not responded
to my question about when and where I should fly to meet you before
we close the deal. As a successful actor/businessman and now candidate
for Governor, I conduct all important matters face-to-face.
You also have not responded to the offer I made in my last e-mail.
I'll ask again: Should I win the election, would you agree to
serve in my administration. If so, would you prefer to direct
the Global Economic Development Division or the International
Trade & Investment Office? I could use a man of your experience,
high moral standards and world view.
According to the polls, I have become the favored candidate in
the past week, passing Arnold Schwarzenegger and even Gary Coleman.
So many highly qualified people are lining up now to join the
"The Respirator" Administration. My most recent selections
include:
Technology, Trade & Commerce Agency - Homer Simpson, Director
Alcoholic Beverage Control - Dean Martin, Director
Gambling Control Commission - William Bennett, Director
Rob Lowe, the actor, last week asked to join my team, too. But
I told him to sign up with another candidate if he really wanted
to help me. Just too much baggage from that sex-crazed hotel video
of his.
I'll provide additional details about the campaign later. Gotta
run now. I've only got a few minutes before an important appearance
on the "Sponge Bob" show to draft my economic development
initiative.
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: "stbadbng" <stbadbng@mail15.com>
To: <Bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Monday, August 18, 2003 2:50 AM
Subject: ATTN: BRADCHRISTENSEN
ATTN:
Mr,BRAD WE ARE PROCESSING YOUR DOCUMENT FOR THIS TRANSFER AND
THE
PROCESS IS STILL ON AS SOON AS WE NEED YOUR ATTENION IN THIS WE
WILL INFORM YOU (ASAP)
DIRECTOR,
STANDARD TRUST BANK, NIGERIA, PLC.
Dear Director Stbadbng and Phillip Uthunu:
I need better communication from both of you if this deal is
to work out. One- and two-sentence messages say little and leave
me guessing.
And Mr. Uthunu, you still have not answered the questions of
my last two e-mails! I am growing tired of this wholly inadequate
communication on your part. I am a successful businessman/actor
who is running for Governor of California. I have no time to waste
with the election approaching on Oct. 7 and Gary Coleman, Elmer
Fudd and other candidates gaining in popularity.
Our business transaction still holds great promise, but I first
demand and deserve answers to my questions, Mr. Uthunu.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: "stbadbng" <stbadbng@mail15.com>
To: <bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2003 5:11 AM
Subject: ATTN:BRAD CHRISTENSEN
ATTN:Brad Christensen.
OUT STANDING PAYMENT OF FOREING DEBT OF $12.2MILLION
TO THE ABOVE
NAMED BENEFICIARY.
Dear Sir,
We here by inform you that we have finanly recieved remitance
instructions from The central bank of nigeria (CBN)as regard your
entiltlement as the next of kin to late Mr.John Norman. You are
here by required to submitt to this office valid documents that
will facilitate the release of your funds into your nominated
bank account.
You are required to submitt to this office before
the close of work on the 5th of september 2003.
1.Your first page of international passport/drivers
license.
2.Three(3) years income tax certficate.
3.Anti terrosrist certificate.
4.The sum of $14,000 Which is for the handling/Security
and administrative charges only payable in cash.
We are very greatfull to inform you that you
have been enlisted among those to be paid by this quartar.
Once again congratulations.
(International remetance officer).
Osadebe Agu
Dear Mr. Agu (AKA Mr. Stbadbng):
Why haven't I heard from Mr. Uthunu for the past week? What is
going on? I am worried for Mr. Uthunu's life and am wondering
if this is some type of scam. Where are you hiding Mr. Uthunu?
I've got a nice little shed in my back yard we could stash him
in. No charge to you, but he'd have to do the lawn every other
week.
And why in the world do you ask me for an anti-terrorist certificate
when I am a candidate for governor of California?? Why haven't
you asked Schwarzenegger or Mary Carey that question?? Where do
you get an anti-terrorist certificate, anyway? I checked K-Mart,
but nothing there! How about E-Bay? These certificates don't grow
on trees.
Finally, are you an idiot? Please honestly answer the last question.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, August 22, 2003 5:07 AM
Subject: URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
Dear brad,
I got,your email and i am very sorry for not responding to it
on time,it was because i had some problem with my system.
So how are you doing today?I hope you are fine
as expected.Have you heard from the bank directors?Please if you
have do not fail to let me know so that we can know what to do
next,because i have fashioned out a time frame the transaction
is going to take.We do have to worry about any thing,all modalities
are in place already.
Please inform me about the present situation of things.
And less i forget,i want you to please send
me an invitation letter that will enable me obtain my visa easily,because
i want to be with you so that we can complete the transaction
over there in America,i have always love to do business with an
American.
I await you antisipated response to my mail.
Best regards,
Your partner.
Barrister Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Glad to finally hear from you again, but I'm sorry to learn about
problems with your system. More roughage may be what you need.
Yes, I've heard from the bank director, as you must already know
since I copied you on the correspondence. He is an idiot, asking
for an anti-terrorist certificate from a candidate for Governor
of California! Aren't there other banks in Nigeria that have loons
rather than morons as directors?
Yes, I will gladly send a visa invitation letter, but first you
must agree to join my campaign team and commit to service as director
of either Global Economic Development Division or the International
Trade & Investment Office. Which of these two important positions
do you prefer?
Also, do you have any experience with political campaigns and
the drafting of position papers? What is your stance on abortion?
On energy policy? On the deportation of Britney Spears to Iceland?
Please respond promptly because time is running short.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, August 22, 2003 5:56 AM
Subject: GET BACK TO ME ASAP
Dear Brad,
The interntinal remmitance officer of the standard trust bank
told me that the bank has contacted you telling you to submmit
to them an anti terrorist certificate and the 3years income tax
certificate and you were also asked to pay for the handling and
administrative charges.
Well you do not have to worry about any thing,i
have told you befor that all modalities are in place.I will find
out how to get these certificates and how much it will take to
get them,after which i will get back to you.No matter how much
it will take us to get this transaction to come to a success,do
not worry i will take care of the whole thing,all i want you to
do is just to show your transperient honesty and utmost confidencialty
through out this transaction.When i go around and look for how
to get these document i will get back to you as soon as possible.
I await your response as soon as possible.
Your partner.
Barrister phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Thanks for your assistance in dealing with the bank officer. For
starters, I suggest you employ the use of a solid two-by-four
across the chops. Anyway, on to more important matters.
I have developed a draft policy to rescue the economy of California
AND cut the state's deficit AND eliminate illegal poaching AND
reduce the number of lost children AND improve air quality AND
provide enough energy to power America without drilling in Alaska.
First we would require all trees in California to be chopped down,
except for the trees on my estate in Barstow. Elimination of the
forests would provide full employment for loggers, while also
negating the need for costly state services provided by the Wildlife
Conservation Board, the Fish & Game Commission and the Department
of Forestry & Fire Protection. No trees would mean no smoke
from forest fires and cleaner air for all Californians. Without
trees, children would not get lost in the woods. Poachers would
be spotted and apprehended immediately. Termites would flock to
Arizona.
Once cut, the trees would be shipped to Alaska where, in lieu
of oil drilling, they would be burned. The resulting wood-fired
energy would be distributed throughout the United States. I'll
bet the power from just one torched redwood could fuel the Oscar
Mayer vehicle for a whole year.
Mr. Uthunu, can you suggest any improvements to my economic and
energy proposal? What are your ideas for foreign trade? Please
respond as quickly as possible. I am eager to have you join me
here in California and to finalize our business transaction.
All the best,
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions and Dredging
Barstow, California, USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Saturday, August 23, 2003 8:56 AM
Subject: GOOD NEWS(URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED)
Dear Brad,
I have received your mails and i understand
every thing you are talking about.
First of all i agree to join you in california
for your campaign tour,but we must act fast in our transaction,and
i want you to please tell me exactly when the campaign is going
to come on.
I have gone around and i found out that the
monies that we are going to use in obtaining the documents is
going to cost us $45,000,but not to worry,all the monies are going
to be sent to you so that you can send them to the bank for the
arrangement of the documents.I want you to please try as much
as possible to protray a very good character through out this
transaction because i found out that you have been very rude to
the bank officer.I want you to understand somthing,if you must
know you are dealing with a very respected person in the standard
trust bank of Nigeria(STB) so you have to please mind the way
you talk to him so that we will not find problems at all through
out this transaction.
Mr.Osadebe Agu is the person that is going to
make sure that the funds should be transfered into your account
so please talk to him with respect,and you should also know that
thier asking for these documents is the normal procedure that
a normal bank should take in carrying out this kind of transaction,anything
they ask we will give it to them.
Now the good news,i finanly got a financier
who is willing to finance this transaction till the success is
met,he is willing to invest on this trasaction till the end.His
name is Mr.john west,he is from Canada.So all i need from you
now is:
1.YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER(PRIVATE).
2.YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS IN FULL.
3.YOUR BANKING INFORMATIONS.
4.YOUR COMPANY NAMEAND ADDRESS.
Brad,you know we do not have this money for
now,so that is why i decided to look for an investor(FINANCIER)and
i think this is the best thing for us to do now.We will pay him
back after the money as been transfered into your account.
Please send me the informations as i have asked
you to do.And act fast to this as there is no time to waste
Waiting to hear from you ASAP.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Thank you for agreeing to join my campaign, but in what capacity?
As director of the Global Economic Development Division or as
chief administrator of the International Trade & Investment
Office? I also have an important Animal Control position open.
Please send a photo of yourself immediately for my campaign brochure.
The campaign currently is in full swing with the recall election
scheduled for Oct. 7. Gary Coleman, Mary Carey, Larry Flynt, myself
and a few other top-tier candidates will be making a joint appearance
next week on The Gong Show. Tomorrow I will unveil my draft policy
to rescue the California economy at the annual meeting of the
Sierra Club. I really need you here now. How soon can you travel
to Barstow and finalize our deal? What type of visa letter do
you need?
Here's the information you requested...
My telephone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. If I am out campaigning,
just leave a message.
My address is: 86 Gray Davis Blvd., Barstow, CA 90246.
My bank information: Gallagher's Bank of Burbank, account #LB-567-00923452k-8567-BB6.
My business is: Christensen Film Productions & Dredging, 123
Cruz Bustamante Way, Barstow, CA 90246.
Finally, tell that bank director of yours that he needs to treat
me with respect! I'll have you know that not everybody runs for
governor of California. California has exceedingly high standards!
Therefore only the chosen few are able to run. About 135 at last
count.
Hasta la vista,
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Sunday, August 24, 2003 9:48 AM
Subject: WAIT FOR THE FINANCIER`S CONTACT
Dear Brad,
I have recieved your mail and understand everything you are saying.I
will immediately forward your informations that you sent to me
to the financier in Canada to enable him contact you,and please
immediatly you get contact from him do not fail to let me know.As
for the positiop you are telling me about i will like to be involved
in the international trade sector & investments.The kind of
invitation letter i want you to send is that which i will take
to the embassy for them to give me a visa without any problem.I
will be with you immediatly the funds as arrived your account
and it depends on how fast we are,so i will advise you to always
update me of any new developement.As for the photograph,i will
send it to you as soon as possible
Please when you get contact from the financier
just let me know so that i will inform you on the next step.
If i must tell you,i wish you all the best in this governorship
elections that is coming on.I have always love to do business
with an American and thank God that i am dealing with one.Toghether
we shall do great things.
Waiting to hear from you ASAP.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu.
NB.
Please inform the bank and tell them that you are on the process
of geting your funds cleared into your acount so they will know
how seriouse we are working towards it,always keep them posted.
Regards
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
My sincere apologies, but this morning I filled the International
Trade & Investment position with Martha Stewart. I mentioned
earlier that many highly capable people were lining up to join
my prospective administration. I wish you would have responded
sooner. I still have several important positions open, however,
including Global Economic Development Division Director, Animal
Control Assistant, and Inspector of Sewers. Which of these interests
you? Please let me know immediately and send along your photo.
My brochure goes to the printers this week.
My campaign did not have a good day today. This morning, several
of the candidates made a joint appearance at Black's Beach. For
some unexplained reason, reporters and bystanders seemed to pay
attention to only two candidates. Most of the women flocked to
Arnold Schwarzenegger and the men to Mary Carey. That left me
with Gary Coleman, who seemed to be devoting an unusual amount
of attention to my credentials. I told him to take note of his
own shortcomings. This afternoon, I was booed off the stage when
I unveiled my draft economic proposal to the Sierra Club! I still
have faith in the proposal and, after a little tweaking, I'll
present it to Earth First.
The financier has not contracted me yet. Tell him to hurry because
I'd like to double my television advertising. Regarding your visa
letter, I'll start writing that tonight. To whom do I address
it?
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Monday, August 25, 2003 9:08 AM
Subject: GOD IS IN CONTROL
Dear Brad,
I am very sorry for what happened today concerning your campaign
and i want you to belive that all hope are not lost as far as
God exist,i have told my pastor about your campaign and he is
praying for it to work out and i know by the special grace of
God almigthy everything will be OK.
I have contacted the financier and i know that
any time from now he will contact you, all you have to do is to
always be by your phone to wait for his contact.
Brad,please i want you to send international
passport copy to the bank official as they have requested from
you,so that things will move on fast.Send it by scan to thier
mail box.
I am still trying to send my photogragh to you
by scan but my system is giving me problems,but as soon as i can
i will do that there is no problem at all.
Waiting to hear from ASAP.
Regards,
Phillip Uthunu.
NB
I will advise you to contact my financier if need be as a matter
of ugency,and tell him about the urgency of our transaction,just
tell him that i(UTHUNU)is your business partner.This is his mailing
address.jwest499@hotmail.com
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Tell your pastor his efforts are certainly appreciated by a campaign
that needs all the help it can get. I'll send him an absentee
ballot immediately.
I am still waiting to hear which vital position you wish to serve
in my administration. Unfortunately, I could not hold off on the
Global Economic Development Division directorship any longer.
It went to Herbert Hoover. I still have openings for Animal Control
Assistant and Chief Inspector of Sewers. Also, the post of Rear
Marshal of Parades is available, and it comes with a very colorful
fluorescent orange vest and canister on wheels. Options include
a shovel and long-handled brush for that tricky curb work.
Please send along your photo post haste. I do not have an international
passport - too busy in California with movies, wrestling, campaigning
and dredging. I have instead attached my official campaign photo.
Mr. West still has not contacted me. I don't think he understands
the critical nature of our transaction.
All the best,
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Monday, August 25, 2003 9:51 AM
Subject: UPDATE
Dear Brad,
I want you to send the invitation letter to via my email box so
taht i can print it out and forward to the american embassy over
here in nigeria.
Thanks and God bless.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
The visa invitation letter is attached. It is on my official campaign
stationery.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Thursday, August 28, 2003 11:07 AM
Subject: PLEASE ACT FAST TO THIS
Dear Brad,
I received a mail from my financier today and he told me that
he has been trying to raech you but to no avail.Please furnish
me with your mobile phone number so that he can reach you easily
with it.
Pleasae act fast to this as there is no time
to waste.Waiting to hear from you ASAP.,
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Since the financier hasn't sent me an e-mail and doesn't have
my phone number, I am left to wonder what means he has been using
to try and reach me. Mental telepathy? Satellites? Smoke Signals??
Two cans and a string???
Sorry, Mr. Uthunu, but I am growing impatient and have absolutely
no time to waste. I sent you my phone number a few e-mails ago.
But you dropped the ball by not forwarding the number to the financier.
And you compounded this oversight by failing to provide the financier
with my e-mail address. Let's have no more of these mistakes.
Once again, my phone number is (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
We need to close our deal right away because I desperately need
the funding for my campaign advertising. Lately I've curtailed
most of my expenses and have tried to take advantage of ads and
slogans of other candidates. I have died my hair blond to benefit
from Mary Carey's campaign slogan, which is "Californians
Prefer Blondes." This strategy should net me some crossover
blonde votes without eroding my brunette base of support.
I am very worried about candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger who is
rapidly closing the gap in the polls, despite saying some amazingly
odd things. After saying, "I don't need to take money from
anybody" on national TV, it was reported that he had taken
in $1.2 million, more than any of the other 135 candidates. And
just last week he said, "The people -- you can't put wood
over their eyes." Maybe not, but he sure can stuff a shoe
in his mouth.
Mr. Uthunu, you still have failed to let me know which position
you wish to serve in my administration. You also haven't sent
along your photo for the brochure. What's the matter? It's as
if you don't care about my campaign. Let me know which post you
prefer. The people of California await your decision.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2003 6:52 AM
Subject: information
Dear brad,
I ahve raed your email.I told you befor that i would have been
interested in the international trade secto and investments but
you tol me that the position has already been taken by sombody
else,But not to woory at all,i will like the position of any thing
that will have to do with investments.If there is any position
like that that is available please get me involved.
I will immediatly forward your email address
to the financier,but i will still tell him to keep trying to get
you on phone untill he is through.
I will send you my photograph now.
I await your response.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
There are no remaining international investment positions. I
have only three directorship posts that have not yet been filled.
They are: Animal Control Administrator, Chief Inspector of Sewers,
and Rear Marshal of Parades. Please tell me which one of these
you prefer. Each of these carries a substantial six-figure salary
(of course this includes digits following the decimal point).
The financier still has not called me. Doesn’t he understand
my campaign’s need for warp speed on this matter?
Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing plenty of advertising to counter
embarrassing personal disclosures that occurred years ago as a
weightlifter. He also continues with his bizarre quotes, including,
“Gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.”
Wow, what planet is this dude from?
Schwarzenegger also is pursuing the California agricultural voting
bloc, which traditionally has been my strongest base of support
due to my formative years as a hog farmer. Unfortunately an embarrassing
interview with me published in Iowa Farmer Today more
than 25 years ago has resurfaced. I was a bit wild in those days
with the moonshine and jimson weed. Well, I revealed far too much
in the interview, including an escapade involving myself, a half
dozen other farmers and a very willing sow. Schwarzenegger made
photocopies of this interview and dropped them from a rented crop
duster throughout the San Joaquin Valley.
People in the valley immediately began questioning my sexual
preferences and good judgment. Knowing I had to react quickly
and effectively, I rushed to last night’s televised Farm
Bureau Federation Annual Awards Banquet. Following a very energetic
and moving joint appearance, I gave open-mouth kisses to Britney
Spears and Minnie Pearl. Now only questions about my judgment
persist.
Mr. Uthunu, as you can see, my needs are extremely urgent. Please
do whatever you can to get the financier to call me. I am campaigning
much of the time, so if I do not answer, be sure to have the financier
leave a message. Also, do not forget to send your photo.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Saturday, August 30, 2003 4:49 AM
Subject: TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK
Dear Brad,
How are you doing today?I asked yout o forward a copy of your
international passport to the bank via email and up till now you
have not done that,if you do not have then send a copy of your
drivers licence,please do that now cos the bank is waiting for
the documents they asked you to provide.This is the reason why
i asked a finncier to finance the transaction so that we can get
money to pay for the documents.If the both of us could raise the
money ($45,000)There would have not been any need for us to look
for a financier.
So please act fast cos the bank is waiting impatiently.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu.
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Sorry for the delayed response, but I've been on the campaign
trail. I've told you several times already that I do not have
a passport. I do have a driver's license, but it's at home in
Barstow. I rely on professional chauffeurs to keep me on schedule
with my daily campaign appearances. Today alone I was on "Meet
the Press," "Ren & Stimpy," and "Oprah."
Oprah says I provide an option for disenfranchised women who are
lost in life and in desperate need of dredging services. I displayed
my capabilities and could tell by her blushing she was profoundly
impressed. I'll send along the driver's license as soon as I return
to Barstow.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Saturday, August 30, 2003 5:27 AM
Subject: HERE IS THE PHOTOGRAPH
Dear Brad,
I have decided to take the position of the ANIMAL CONTROL ADMINISTRATOR.
Please here is a copy of my photograph attached
below.Plesae i asked you in mu last mail to you that if there
was any way that the both of us could raise the fund we would
have concluded this trasaction with the bank.But if we can not
that means that we have to hurry up the financier.
Get back to me.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Very good choice of positions in "The Respirator" administration.
Animal Control Administrator certainly is a critical post, one
steeped in controversy and intrique. Jackalopes have proliferated
statewide, destroying all golf courses and greatly irritating
Africanized Bees and Orange County Young Republicans, two species
with much in common. What do you propose to do to quell the devastation
and halt all the irrational and mindless comments on talk radio?
Thanks for the photo, although I was hoping for a higher quality
image for the brochure. Oh well, you still look much better than
candidate Cruz Bustamante.
Please get the financier involved as soon as possible. It seems
that all the candidates are scrambling for campaign cash. Candidate
Peter Ueberroth even is auctioning a couple of his vowels.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Monday, September 01, 2003 7:17 AM
Subject: GET BACK TO ME
Dear Brad,
I got your mail and i am very happy that you
have recioeved my photograph,at least you can now procced with
the brocheur.
I asked you if there is a way we can pay for
those charges so that we can forget about the financier because
he is delaying at this juntion.
Please immediatly forward a copy of your drivers
licence to the bank ASAP.Or you send a mail to them telling them
to wait for it.
Get back to me ASAP
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
My driver's license is at home, but I'm on the campaign trail
now and won't return to Barstow for another week. I'm a well-known
candidate for Governor. Certainly your bank has heard of me and
will proceed with the transaction without further delay.
I have been busy today fighting off an attack from Cruz Bustamante,
who also is running for Governor. Bustamante is trying to turn
the Lithuanians against me because I favor a proposition to declare
Armenian the official language of California.
Bustamante currently is Lieutenant Governor. He is convinced that
his years in this position have prepared him for the state's top
spot, and maybe he's right. He shakes hands very professionally
and cuts ribbons at all sorts of events. He's got his own pearl-handled
scissors. A clean, straight cut every time. No fraying! He was
a driving force in the "Operation Gobble" frozen turkeys
program and he helped unveil the "Year of the Ram" postage
stamp at this year's Chinese New Year Festival. For more, go to
this link:
http://www.ltg.ca.gov/about/photo/ltg.asp
As you can see, I am up against a very tough candidate and require
the funding from our transaction right away. What can be done
to speed things up?
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: "phillip uthunu" <phillip_uthunu@kukamail.com>
To: <Bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2003 11:42 AM
Subject: WAITNIG
Dear Brad,
I have seen your email and i understand the lvel of urgency that
you want in this transaction of ours. Look,Brad the only way we
can speed things up is to try and upset those bills by the bank
and try and arrange those documents that they asked of.=
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
I have some very good news! A tribe of Armenians east of San
Diego has contributed 2 million rubles to my campaign! The tribe
is excited about my official language proposal and believes I
am sympathetic to the needs of Native Armenians. These needs of
course include state approval for the operation of a combination
bingo palace and fig stand on tribal land. The 2 million rubles
convert to 65,703 U.S. dollars! That means I can assist in the
financing of our transaction! Tell me what steps I now must take
to finalize the deal.
Regarding my campaign to replace Governor Orange Davis in the
recall election, it is going well. I am preparing for the candidates'
first debate tonight. However, Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided
to skip all debates except for one scheduled later this month.
He's been spending most of his time at the California State Fair
shouting "Hasta la vista, baby" to Hispanics and serving
as alternate judge and chief baggy distributor at the Dachshund
Derby.
More Derby info here:
http://www.bigfun.org/pdfs/exhibits/OnLineEntryForm.pdf
Another candidate, Senator Tom McClintock of the Cro-Magnon Party,
is expected to criticize my youthful indiscretions with jimson
weed and that sow tonight. McClintock says he wants to return
California to "the Golden State our parents gave to us."
That's fine, but do we really need to get rid of video games and
go back to those silly hula hoops? And isn't he aware that many
of us are a little old for the Wham-O Slip 'n Slide?
By the way, the rubles arrived in my campaign office yesterday
and I converted them to dollars at my bank today. I need at least
half the money for my campaign, but can contribute up to $32,000
for our project, Mr. Uthunu. Can you come up with whatever additional
funding is necessary?
Also you need to provide more ideas and comments regarding my
(our) campaign for governor, Mr. Uthunu. You rarely say anything
about it. Are you becoming disloyal and advising other candidates
instead? Please comment on political strategy and animal control
issues. Thanks.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions and Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2003 11:31 AM
Subject: URGENT ATTENTION
Dear Brad,
I got your email and i understand everything you are saying.
What i want you to do now is to send the $14,000. first to the
bank for thier cost of transfer.Then i will let you know how to
send the remainig for the preparation of the documents.
Use this names.
Cash is received by western union only and the
only approved officers to receive cash are.
Nosa Edokpaigbe:$3,500.
Benin city.Nigeria
Blessing osayande:$3,500
Benin city.Nigeria.
Paul okpalefe:$3,500.
Benin city,Nigeria.
Osaretin ogiesuyi:$3,500
Benin City,Nigeria
Please send the money via western union and
send me the control numbers and text question/answer.
I will wait for your prompt response.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2003 12:45 PM
Subject: MY OPINION
Dear Brad,
I know you must be wondering about me not advising you about our
campaign,it is not my fault,it was just that i was worried about
how the transaction is going to be succesfull.
Brad,as you can see,i belive in God so well
that i know that by the special grace of God almigthy we are going
to be victorious.As long as we all have one mind and we work towards
one goal everything is going to be fine.Please whenever you are
on the campiagn ground again always seek for the publics opinion
so that you and i will know what to deliver to the masses in california.As
regard the animal control issue,i will want you to find out the
interest of the people of california,because what will better
the people and the gorvernment of california is what we should
have in mind to deliver.
Brad,Please try and always have listening ears
and be flexible when handling matters especialy now that we are
in a critcal situation as regards our election as a Gorvernor
of CALIFORNIA.
Please make the transfer very soon so that they
can get the funds transferd into your account by next week ,what
i am saying in essence is that i want to make sure that i am in
the U.S.A(CALIFORNIA) as soon as possible so that we can celebrate
together.
Waiting to hear from you ASAP.
Your partner.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Thanks for all the messages. Unfortunately I've been unable to
respond earlier due to the rigors and, yes, the hazards of the
campaign trail. At Wednesday night's debate, McClintock, the Cro-Magnon,
and Independent Arianna Huffington both attacked me for accepting
2 million rubles in contributions from the tribe of Armenians.
They said California already has too many fig outlets.
The current Governor, Brown Davis, showed up before the debate
to argue against the recall. He apologized for having no personality
whatsoever and promised to work hard to develop one. Arnold Schwarzenegger,
one of the favored candidates, yelled "hasta la vista"
to reporters and immediately ran off to his hotel room, refusing
to emerge for the debate.
Thank you for taking an interest in the campaign, Mr. Uthunu.
I respect your opinions and will attempt to heed your suggestion
to remain flexible. I've a visit scheduled with the chiropractor
tomorrow.
Regarding animal control, a very critical campaign issue has erupted.
Hundreds of ferrets have escaped from the authentic Richard Gere
exhibit at Madame Tussaud's. They are very aggressive and have
overtaken large areas of Santa Monica. Mr. Uthunu, should the
state intervene, or is this an issue of local control? Exactly
what should be done?
I mentioned earlier about the hazards of campaigning. The people
of California are a rowdy lot. A few days ago Schwarzenegger was
hit in the shoulder with an egg. Although the offending hen was
apprehended immediately, Schwarzenegger is now insisting that
cage-free farming be banned as a matter of public safety. Then
on Friday night somebody threw a brick at Cruz Bustamante. He
ducked and it hit me square in the head. I was released from the
hospital this afternoon and now must campaign even harder to make
up for the two days I lost.
You mention that I should send along $14,000 to the bank. But
previously you said $45,000 would be required and I responded
by saying I could offer more than $30,000 from the Armenians.
What is the correct amount? And who are the four people you list?
Why would I sent $3,500 to each of them? Why not send it all to
the bank?
Also, you mentioned that you would come to California to assist
with the campaign. Why aren't you here? I sent along the visa
invitation two weeks ago!! I need you here now for the ferret
problem. People are talking. They say "The Respirator"
has no animal-control manifesto.
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2003 7:13 AM
Subject: ACT FAST TO THIS
DEAR BRAD,
I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOUR REPLY,THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTREST IN
THIS.
THE NAMES I SENT TO YOU ARE THE STAFF OF THE DEBT DEPARTMENT OF
THE STANDARD TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC,AND THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE
THAT ARE APPROVED BY THE MANAGEMENT OF THE BANK.
THE REASON WHY I SAY YOU SHOULD SEND THE $14,000
FIRST IS THAT THE BANK NEEDS THAT ONE FOR THE COST OF TRANSFERING
THE TOTAL SUM INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT,THEN THE OTHER ONE WILL
COME FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS BY THE BANK.I
HOPE YPOU UNDERSTAND NOW?.
MR.BRAD,I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE MONEY SINCE
SO THAT WE CAN AT LEAST PAY FOR THE COST OF TRANSFER,AND WE SUCCESFULLY
UPSET THE COST OF TRANSFER (COT)THAT WILL AT LEAST ENABLE MY FLYING
TO CALIFORNIA EASILY.
SO PLEASE TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO SEND THE
MONEY SO BY THIS WEEK EVERYTHING WILL BE A LITTLE BIT OK.
WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU ASAP.
YOUR PARTNER.
PHILLIP UTHUNU
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Somebody who said he was the financier called today. He seemed
disoriented and befuddled, possibly drunk. He kept calling you
Mr. Phillips, even after I told him several times you were Mr.
Uthunu. He asked me if I had received his check. I told him no
and explained that you mentioned I didn't need his financing.
I explained about the Armenian tribe, the rubles and the figs.
He really became confused.
I said you had joined my campaign but I was becoming very unhappy
with you because you were not providing valuable campaign advice,
even when we have a raging ferret epidemic in Santa Monica!! He
said he would contact you and get you more involved in the campaign.
He also said he'd call me back within an hour, but he never did.
I do not trust him!!!!
I am very upset with your inability to assist my (our) campaign.
Don't you understand that you've got your photo in my brochure?
That carries with it immense responsibilities, even though it
is a grainy black-and-white reproduction (very splotchy). Anyway,
what do you propose we do about the hundreds of hostile ferrets
that are running rampant throughout Santa Monica????? This is
a make or break issue for my campaign!!!! I need your advice and
I need it now!!! And none of this stuff about doing the popular
thing! We need leadership! Let's step up and provide it, Mr. Uthunu!
By the way, I visited the chiropractor today and he said I need
some backbone in my campaign, not more flexibility!
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Tuesday, September 09, 2003 7:17 AM
Subject: I AM NOT HAPPY
mr brad,
i am not happy the way you are running this transaction with me,i
realy want the fund to be transfered so that i can now be free
to join your campaign,i am not composed for nowe because of the
fund,i really want it to be transfered immediately and if you
know that you are not ready to send the fund i requested then
let the financier to assist you with the requested money.
your partner
p.uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
I assure you, Mr. Uthunu, that I am even less happy than you are.
There have been no laughs for me lately, not even a muted titter.
Regarding the transaction, first you say wait for the financier.
But the financier doesn't call, so you say forget the financier
and we'll pay the bank fees. Then I get the Armenian windfall
and am ready to pay $32,000, but you say that's too much, only
$14,000 is needed. Then you say break it up in pieces and send
it to several people. Then the financier does call. Now suddenly
you suggest I let the financier help out, even though he doesn't
know your correct name. But I haven't heard back from the financier
in more than two days, despite his solumn promise to call back
in one hour! At this point, I don't know what to do because the
plan seems to change daily. I ask you, is this any way to run
a heist?
You claim you want to be free to come here and join my campaign,
but now I seriously doubt your abilities as a political strategist.
I've asked repeatedly for advice on critical animal control matters,
especially the raging ferret problem (which by the way has now
spilled over into West Hollywood). But so far you haven't offered
a solution to this terrible situation. Yes, transvestites have
captured some of the ferrets and left for home, but many still
are running the streets. And that goes for the ferrets, too.
In other campaign matters, you may have read in the news that
candidate Peter Uberroth (formerly Ueberroth) has dropped out
of the race. Uberroth, the one-time Foosball Commissioner, said
he was lagging in fundraising and unwilling to auction any more
of his vowels. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not. There are
still 134 candidates to replace Governor Red Davis and the Oct.
7 election is less than a month away.
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 10:28 AM
Subject: GET BACK TO ME
Dear Brad,
I recieved your mail.Look let memake thin clear to you,if the
funds are not i your account ther is no way i ca join you in california.
Now you say you have the money,yo send it to
those name that i have given to you,you are still wasting time,if
you are not ready to do this transaction till the end you tell
me so that i will stopwasting my time with you.
I am waiting for your response.
Phillip Uthunu
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
You do not understand - I am not wasting a second of time. It
is just that my campaign is consuming 20 hours a day, leaving
little time for anything else. It is running me ragged.
I am unable to check my e-mail each day because of the rigors
of my campaign. I still am EXTREMELY interested in our transaction
and in your arrival to California, assuming you are able to prove
your worth to my campaign. PLEASE IMMEDIATELY advise me on how
I should respond to the invasion of the ferrets, which now has
spread to another community, frightening many old ladies in Pasadena.
You are my Animal Control Administrator, a post you personally
requested. Well, Mr. Animal Control Administrator, what do you
propose to do about he ferret infestation??
This weekend we just finished filming a major television commecial
for my campaign. The ad illustrates my plan for the elimination
of trees to spur economic development, spending cutbacks, fire
prevention, and child safety. In the commecial, Smokey the Bear
(played by Danny DeVitto), is turned loose on a redwood forest
with a chainsaw. Halfway through the forest, Smokey (Danny) proclaims:
"Only you can prevent forest fires by voting for 'The Respirator'."
Very effective!!
Please assist my campaign, Mr. Uthunu, and offer your ferret-control
recommendations with no further delay! A new Los Angeles Times
poll released yesterday has me in the lead, but with Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Cruz Bustamante, Tom McClintock and Regis Philbin all closing
the gap quickly because of the ferret controversy.
Brad "The Respirator" Christenen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Tuesday, September 16, 2003 12:41 PM
Subject: GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY!
DEAR FRIEND,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LAST MAIL, THIS TRANSACTION
HAS PUT ME UNDER TOO MANY STRESS AND I REALLY APPREICATE YOUR
EFFORT TO SEE THAT THIS TRANSACTION COMES TO A SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDING
END.
RIGHTNOW, I HAVE TO INFORM YOU, THAT I HAVE
AMDE AN ALTERNATIVE ARRANGEMENT FOR A FINANCIER IN CANADA, TO
ASSIST FINANCIALLY TO ENABLE US CLEAR ALL THE CHARGES BY THE SECURITY
COMPANY.
CONCERNING, YOUR CAMPAIGN, I WOULD LIKE TO BE
THERE, BUT BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT CONCLUDEDE ON OUR TRANSACTION IT
WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO JUST TRAVEL WITH SEEING TO THE
ND OF THIS TRANSACTION. I REALLY THANK YOU FOR THE LETTER OF INVITATION.
RIGHTNOW, I AM GOING TO INVOLVE ANOTHER FINANCIER,IN
CANADA WHO IS WILLING TO ASSIST US RIGHT AWAY WITHOUT ANY FURTHER
DELAY. DUE TO DELAY, AS A RESULT OF A CUMULATED ADMISITRATIVE
CHARGES, WE ARE EXPECTED TO PAY THE SUM OF $480,000 USD, TO CLEAR
ALL THE AS STANDING CHARGES.
AS IT STANDS. I HAVE MADE ALL ARRANGEMENT'S
TO ENABLE US GET FINANCIALLY ASSISTANCE THROUGH A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE, TO CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. AS
ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION TO APPROVE THE LOAN/CHEQUE WILL
BE ARRANGED IN YOUR NAME.
I WILL LIKE YOU TO CALL ME ON MY NEW MOBILE
NUMBER +234-80-355-00842.
I WANT US TO CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION, BEFORE
YOUR MEAN ELECTION.
I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE BY NOW
I SHOULD BE IN YOUR COUNTRY AS ASSIST YOUR IN CAMPAIGN.
GET BACK TO ME BY PHONE. AS SOON AS YOU GET
THIS MAIL TODAY.
THANK YOU AND STAY BLESS.
PHILLIP UTHUNU.
NOTE; AT THIS PONIT, I WILL ADVICE YOU TO FOLLOW
MY INSTRUCTION'S, TO ENABLE US CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE, BEFORE I WILL PUT IN MY LETTER OF RESIGNATION TO
THE BOARD OF MY BANK, AFTER APPROVAL I WILL TAKE MY TRIP TO YOUR
COUNTRY TO MEET WITH YOU. FOR MY OWN SHAR OF THE FUND AND FOR
ALTERNATIVE INVESTMENT.(REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT) WHICH I WILL LIKE
YOU TO BE MY PARTNER.
---- Original Message -----
From: phillip uthunu
To: Bradchristensen@cox.net
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2003 1:52 AM
Subject: GET BACK TO ME NOW!
HIS EXECELLENCE,
GOOD-MORNING, FOLLOWING THE MAIL I SENT YOU
TO YESTERDAY, AFTER CONSIDERING ALOT OF THING ON YOUR SIDE,I HAVE
DECIDED WE CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION BEFORE YOUR ELECTION, MOSTLY
LIKELY BY NEXT WEEK. DEPEND HOW FAST YOU RESPOND TO URGENT ISSUE
AT HAND.
AS I HAVE TOLD YOU, CONCERNING THE ARRANGEMENT,
TO ENABLE US GET FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE TO CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION
AND TO UP SET ALL THE BANK OUT STANDING CHARGES( COST OF TRANSFER)
THAT HAS ACCUMULATED ALL THIS WHILE. I AM SORRY FOR THE DELAY
WHICH I ASSURE WILL NOLONGER HAAPENE, AS I WANT US TO CONCLUDE
THIS TRANSACTION,TO ENABLE ME MEET YOU UP(TO ASSIST YOU FOR YOUR
ELECTION).
GET BACK TO ME TODAY.
MR PHILLIP UTHUNU.
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Apologies for not responding sooner, but "The Respirator"
has been keeping a very busy campaign schedule. I was on Oprah
Winfrey's show early in the week, then on Howard Stern and Larry
King yesterday. Schwarzenegger's wife, Maria Shriver, also was
on the Stern show, and unfortunately became quite hostile when
I asked her for a lap dance. Howard, however, gladly complied!
The nausea and nightmares have abated and I'm finally regaining
my appetite.
I have some bad news and good news for you, Mr. Uthunu. I couldn't
wait any longer for your advice regarding the raging ferrets problem.
Therefore I removed you as my choice for Animal Control Administrator,
appointing Ozzy Osbourne instead. Ozzy offered the perfect solution,
one learned years ago on the concert circuit with live frogs.
The good news is you're still on the team. The post of Rear Marshal
of Parades still was open, so I filled it with you. Won't even
have to redo the brochure!
How in the world did the bank charges balloon from $45,000 to
$480,000? That seems very excessive to me. I'd like to finalize
our transaction right away, but where am I supposed to get that
kind of money? The Armenians are tapped out. I have tried three
times to call you but have been unable to get through. Please
call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX. I rarely am able to answer because of
all the campaign appearances and debates, so be sure you leave
a message.
The Oct. 7 election to recall Governor Green Davis may be delayed.
A lawsuit to push the election to next year has been filed by
the Union of Late Night Talk Show Hosts. They contend an earlier
election would unduly deprive them and the American Public of
monologue material. Thus far, the Federal Circuit Court has agreed,
but appeals are expected. I will keep you posted, my partner.
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
----- Original Message -----
From: <postman@colombino1.entergroup.com>
To: <Bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2003 9:22 PM
Subject: Delivery Errors, Re: Re: GET BACK TO ME NOW!
There has been an error delivering your message to the following
recipients:
phillip_uthunu@kukamail.com
The error is: No space left on user's account.
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
You need to learn how to read faster because your mailbox is full.
Anyway, how have you been and why haven't you e-mailed or called
me? Soon the campaign will be over and I'll be able to devote
full attention to our transaction. That's because the 9th Circus
Court of Appeals has ruled that the election to recall Governor
Chartreuse Davis must be held as originally scheduled this Tuesday.
I still expect to win, but new allegations have surfaced against
me. Some members of the media are trying to derail my campaign
with 11th hour "puke politics." Specifically the top-circulating
California Farm Bureau Newsletter printed a front page article
last week carrying charges from six farmers that I had groped
and fondled their animals. Sheep and pigs I can understand, but
chickens??? Additional farmers have since stepped forward with
similar charges. At a news conference, I said, yes, "The
Respirator" may have engaged in rowdy barnyard behavior.
I however stopped short of a full apology -- other than pig latin,
I just don't understand their language.
I hope you've obtained your visa by now, Mr. Uthunu, because it
is critically important you be here for my victory march through
the streets of Sacramento. As you know, Rear Marshal of Parades
is a key position, especially since the Budweiser Clydesdales
are expected.
All the best,
Brad Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Film Productions & Dredging
Barstow, Calif., USA
From: <postman@colombino1.entergroup.com>
To: <Bradchristensen@cox.net>
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2003 7:31 PM
Subject: Delivery Errors, Re: Yoo-Hoo, Mr. Uthunu
There has been an error delivering your message to the following
recipients:
phillip_uthunu@kukamail.com
The error is: No space left on user's
account.
Dear Mr. Uthunu:
Well, the election to recall Governor Turquoise Davis is over.
It was an absolute disaster and now I can't even seem to connect
with you.
Schwarzenegger blew "The Respirator" away. In fact,
I received ZERO votes!! Even the Armenians and my own dear mother
turned on me! Shows that as a politician you can grope and insult
women, but by all means, never fondle a chicken!
Got to run now. The animal rights people are hot on my tail.
Brad "The Respirator" Christensen
President/CEO
Christensen Dredging and Chicken Molestation
Barstow, Calif., USA
