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Quatloos! > General Fraud > Advance Fee > Brad Christensen Exhibit > Porcine Princess Chronicles 3

Porcine Princess Chronicles

Part 3

>>> "princessmaria ojo ofem" 07/22/02 07:11AM >>>
Dear Brad,

Have you been contacted again by Mr Scotty? I want to know.



No I haven't. He never sent me his attachments and I question whether he is serious about our business proposition. He seems to be working against the Princess, and if he continues with this behavior, I suggest you beam Scotty down to the Palace dungeon or place him in blocks in the village square.

Brad Christensen


>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/22/02 01:28PM >>>
Dear Brad,

Please see the document attached.I expect your urgent



>>> princess maria 07/23/02 06:45AM >>>
Dear Brad,

Suprised right!!?. I have just opened another emailbox
in yahoo because, I always find is difficult in
accessing the eudoramail. I feel this one will be more
convinient. Hence forth, I would want you to be
reaching me via this one.

Mr Scotty is not working against me in any way.He only
travelled out of town during the weekend and came back
to town just yesterday morning.

However, I just called him few minutes ago and he said
he has sent the document to you again yesterday
evening still expecting to hear the confirmation of
the receipt of the documents from you.

If you have received it, we need to know. My regards
to your all and sundry.

I am Princess.



Dearest Princess:

Yes, I did receive the documents from Neener Scotty yesterday afternoon, so you need not put him in stocks or leg irons. Generally the documents look very good and are agreeable to me with some very minor changes. First, my legal name is "Bradford W. Christensen, MD, Ph.D, SOB" not "Brad Christensen." Please have Scotty make this change in three places on the Mutual Agreement and three places on the Affidavit of Claim/Power of Attorney.

Also, I would prefer greater specificity in Paragraph (v) of the Mutual Agreement. Instead of saying "until the arrival of Princess Maria Ajo in his country," please reword to say "until the arrival of Princess Maria Ajo in Gila Bend, Arizona." My country is a big place and I don't want my princess to escape to the bright lights and glitz of places like Duluth or Dubuque.

I assure you, my doublewide high atop the landfill in scenic Gila Bend will feel like home to you. In preparation for your grand arrival, I have purchased a brand new super-size can of Glade and a year's supply of flypaper. And please don't worry about mice. The coyotes and snakes have taken care of that problem. As you can tell, I am looking forward to your arrival with great anticipation and am sparing no expense.

Brad Christensen


>>> princess maria 07/24/02 04:55AM >>>

Dear Brad,

I received the corrections and as soon as I finish
sending this email, I will forward the information to
Mr Scotty in his office ths morning before I go back
to the palace.

Stay blessed.


My Lovely Princess:

Thanks, and by the way, I sent Scotty an e-mail as well. Since he now has two virtually identical e-mails, I hope he doesn't think he's struggling with a spell of double-vision. With my hunting accident and loss of an eye, I no longer have that problem, even if I drink all night long. Unfortunately sometimes everything gets black and I suddenly collapse. But please, Princess, do not worry about my health. I have taken precautions against injury by stapling sheets of foam rubber to the doublewide's walls and throwing an extra layer of sawdust on the floor. While this may be more information than you need to know about me, I promise you'll enjoy life to the fullest in Gila Bend. Bye for now. I must visit the Port-O-San.

Brad Christensen


>>> princess maria 07/25/02 04:51AM >>>

Dear Brad,

I am in contact with Mr SCotty and he promised he will
reach you this morning as he was unable to do that
yesterday. AS I told you earlier, he is a very busy
person though, am sure he is giving this transaction a
prefferential treatment.

I wait to hear the confirmation of receipt of MR.
Scotty's email and attacchment.




My Wonderfully Beautiful Princess:

Scotty beamed the amended documents to me this morning. They look fine, although they lack standard Non-Severability and Sanity Clauses, which in this case may be fine because I don't believe in Sanity Claus.

For some reason I was just thinking of Christmas and I hope you'll be here to celebrate it with me in the mansion on the hill. I have found a charming creosote bush to drag in and decorate for the occasion. I anticipate a wonderful feast since I live near the Interstate. Nature always supplies bountiful provisions, as long as you get them while they're fresh. I generally have friends over, and after dinner we have a great party in which everybody laughs and drinks shots out of my socket. We have a wonderful time as long as the guests don't suck too hard and give me a migraine.

I will send the documents to Scotty right away!

Brad Christensen


>>> princess maria 07/26/02 05:27AM >>>

Dear Brad,

I have really learnt a lot of joke from you and I
always laugh each time I read from you. Your wife must
be enjoying so much. (laugh)

I appreciate your cooperation so far and I hope we
shall be through very soon. Off I go back to the
palace. Thank God I will rest this weekend, no event.

Have a nice day.



Dearest Beautiful (but ungrateful?) Princess:

I have asked Scotty to provide me with his fax number so I may return the documents to him. However, I am having some second thoughts about this venture because I am confused by your last e-mail. I am not married and it seems you are belittling my efforts to make you feel welcome in my country. I am not joking when I say the lifestlye and accommodations I am preparing for you indeed are fit for royalty, when compared with the rest of Gila Bend. I am not a court jester or a clown who is simply joking around. My intentions are pure and I was hoping you would be
smitten with me by now. Instead you are sounding ungrateful, calloused and spoiled.

Brad Christensen


>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/27/02 02:13AM >>>

Dear Brad,

Yes, my fax number is 234-1-7595331. Please, go ahead
and fax so that, I will start working on the approvals
by monday. My phone is also 234-1-7753681. However, I
will try to call you probably by monday.




Dear Scotty:

I have faxed the documents this morning. However, I am very much bothered by the flippant and insensitive attitude of the Princess, who has made fun of my elaborate efforts to arrange suitable accommodations for her in Gila Bend. I believe I deserve an apology from the ingracious wench.

Brad Christensen


>>> princess maria 07/29/02 08:09AM >>>

Dear Brad,

I can understand how you feel and am sorry if you are
offended. Not that I am not grateful or that I doubt
you in any way, it is just that, I always find it very
difficult in expressing my feelings. So many people
had been annoyed with me before concerning this issue
of been ungrateful.

Consequently, I have told you about my orientation in
the palace which made me to always look naive of
certain social issues.

Believe me, I am grateful and will continue to be as
long as you still maintain your promises to me now and
when I get to US.

More so, am in contact with Mr Scotty and he said he
had written you sending the requested fax number to

Hope to read from you tomorrow.

I am sincerely yours,



My Once-Again Beautiful Princess:

Thank you for your wonderful apology. I only wish I could have received it on Friday, for it would have spared me a sad and emotionally frustrating weekend in the mansion on the hill. I wept for several hours on Saturday, tears streaming out of my good eye and a thick, yellowish discharge oozing from my socket. But today, it is as if I have been reborn! Thanks again for your e-mail. I promise that before you come I will purchase an eye patch. I will look like a handsome pirate and you will be my bawdy strumpet. Oh, what a glorious time we will have as I unleash my mighty sword and chase you around the mansion on the hill! I am counting the days until we meet. I'm also stocking up on Viagra, for that sword has grown a tad rusty in the past decade or two. As always,

Brad Christensen


Dear Scotty;

Princess Maria sent me a very gracious letter of apology today, showing that she indeed does have a kind heart and very good sense. I am eager to get started in this lucrative business opportunity and successful long-term partnership with the Princess.



>>> princess maria 07/30/02 01:00AM >>>


Nice to hear from you this morning. Infact, I had to
come out earlier today to read from you as you
reported me to Mr Scotty yesterday. Anyway, I
appreciate your acceptance of my apology, am so happy
about it.

I really feel am already with you and do not worry
much about your eye problem as I know is not your
fault. I value your inner person more than the mere
physical appearance and I think, that is what make up
human beings.

Dear Brad, guess what!!! my birth is on the 10th of
August. I just taught of having you arround for the
celebration or will you send me any birth day present?
I will appreciate it if you can.

My mom and sister extends their regards and greetings
to you and I hope to reading from you tomorrow.

I remain yours,



My Dear Wonderful Princess:

Do not worry about Scotty. In another e-mail yesterday I told him about your gracious apology and how much it was appreciated. Also, I agree fully with your statement about inner beauty. I wish more people adopted your deep philosophy regarding human relations and life. We would have a much better world.

Unfortunately few people share our beliefs. Therefore I purchased a fine black velvet eye patch yesterday, as well as a dozen bottles of Captain Morgan Rum. The eye patch actually has a picture of a pirate on it that glows in the dark! I hereby invite my bawdy buxom Princess to visit Gila Bend for a proper birthday celebration in the foam-padded pleasure palace on the hill! You will not have to worry about security here. The mansion is in Gila Bend's most fashionable gated community, with the finest razor wire and chain-link fencing available, plus signs that ensure privacy. Please see the attached photo. I also promise to hire Squiggy, the compost man, to stand guard while you are here. Before you arrive, I will need to tell you more about Squiggy so you will not be alarmed. Be sure to remind me about this.

However, if you are not yet ready for a visit to bountiful Gila Bend, perhaps we might rendezvous somewhere else. I am open for suggestions. I eagerly await your response, my tawdry tart.

Brad Christensen


Dear Mr Bradford,

We are very sorry for the delay. The federal high
court rejected the faxed copy of the legal document. I
advise you print out the copy, sign, scan and send
back to me as email attachment.

I wait to receiving the email as soon as possible.

Concerning what you said about Princess, donÆt mind
her, she is only a kid and have not been exposed to
social life. It is very important we talk on phone and
I want you to call me as I have tried several times to
call you all to no avail. My telephone number is




>>> princess maria 07/31/02 06:31AM >>>

Dear Brad,

Too nice to read from you today and am so happy for
all your preparations for my birthday celebration
coming up on the 10/08/02.I equally appreciate the
attachment there in. It look nice.

Unfortunately, I can't make it to Gila Bend till we
are able to transfer this money to you.Neverthless, am
happy and sure that you are in the mood of the
celebration with me.

Dear Brad, what about a birthday present, will you
send any to me? I will appreciate it if you can.

Mr Scotty called me few mins ago and said the court
rejected the docuement you sent to him because, it
wasn't very clear. Evidently, the agreement note
wasn't clear as well. He was suggesting your sending
to us as an email attachment. Hope you will undestand.

I wait to hear from you soon.

Your Princess.


My Dearest Buxom Princess & Scotty:

I am writing to you both. Scotty, as I mentioned in a previous e-mail to you, the Princess indeed has apologized in a very gracious and heartfelt manner for her past behavior. Secondly, when you call me, please use the password "Carp" when speaking with the receptionist and she'll put you right through. Be mindful the password changes weekly (last week it was "Scrod"). I am a very busy man and therefore must screen my calls to escape the barrage of telemarketers. Some guy named Ed McMahon keeps calling from Publisher's Clearinghouse, but I refuse to talk to him.

Regarding the request to scan the signed documents, I don't know how to do this, but will see what I can do. Due to the highly confidential nature of our business relationship, I do not want to delegate this task to a staff member. Seems you tell one and within minutes all 50,000 of my employees know. Should I try faxing again?

Princess: You indeed are the dearest and most delightful trollop around. You need not travel all the way to Gila Bend to celebrate your birthday with me. We can select a closer location. My company is authorized to fly me anywhere in the world except the continent of Africa due to the unfortunate involvement of a former employee in an elephant tusk-smuggling scheme. The south of France is lovely this time of year. So is Italy. And romantic Iceland offers the crepuscular glow of whale-oil lamps and tasty walrus nuggets. The choice is yours, dear.



>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/31/02 10:01AM >>>

Dear Brad ,

Your mail has been received, and I understand the risk
in exposing this transaction to another person
including your workers.

Please Fax the document to 234 9 2720168 with this it
will be ok.

Please as soon as you fax it let me know.

Please princess will call you by 7.30 pm Nigerian


Mr. Scotty


My Dear Voluptuous Princess:

Thanks for your call. Believe me when I say It was an enormous pleasure for me to speak with you on the phone. But I cannot understand why you ended the conversation by simply hanging up without saying "Good Bye." Was it something I said??

Are you sure you can't break away for a visit in France or Iceland? Regarding Gila Bend, it my be just as well that you can't come right away. We experienced some ground subsidence difficulties last night and the mansion on the hill currently is slanted at about a 40-degree angle. All of the fruit crates and other furniture slid violently to the northern wall of the doublewide. Fortunately the foam padding I stapled up saved it, and me, from major damages. I should have anticipated this calamity because I have been pumping water from beneath the landfill for many years without any effort to recharge it. It is wonderful drinking water, really, and still very tasty after you strain and boil it.

In an effort to level the mansion, I have put Squiggy to work digging underneath the southern foundation. This may take some time, however, and your August 10 birthday is right around the corner. Eventually you will be able to make the trip, and when you do, I know you will be the finest trull in all of Gila Bend. Regarding your comments about a well-deserved present, please provide me with your ring and clothing sizes right away!

Finally, tell Scotty that on my second try the fax went through to his new number.

With profound love and adoration,


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Porcine Princess Chronicles: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

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Mevinna Albanathy - Almighty Church of the First Cousin of Noah.


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Comment on the Brad Christensen Exhibit of humorous replies to Nigerian scam letters. Suggest names and scenarios for Brad to lure the scammers to some faraway and exotic location in search of Brad's money.

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Talk about the Nigerian 4-1-9 scam in all its many variations, such as bogus checks sent from Nigeria to purchase used cars in the U.S. and many other variations of this scam.

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