>>> "princessmaria ojo ofem"
07/22/02 07:11AM >>>
Have you been contacted again by Mr Scotty?
I want to know.
No I haven't. He never sent me his attachments and I question
whether he is serious about our business proposition. He seems
to be working against the Princess, and if he continues with this
behavior, I suggest you beam Scotty down to the Palace dungeon
or place him in blocks in the village square.
>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/22/02 01:28PM
Please see the document attached.I expect your
>>> princess maria 07/23/02 06:45AM
Suprised right!!?. I have just opened another emailbox
in yahoo because, I always find is difficult in
accessing the eudoramail. I feel this one will be more
convinient. Hence forth, I would want you to be
reaching me via this one.
Mr Scotty is not working against me in any way.He only
travelled out of town during the weekend and came back
to town just yesterday morning.
However, I just called him few minutes ago and
he has sent the document to you again yesterday
evening still expecting to hear the confirmation of
the receipt of the documents from you.
If you have received it, we need to know. My
to your all and sundry.
I am Princess.
Yes, I did receive the documents from Neener Scotty yesterday
afternoon, so you need not put him in stocks or leg irons. Generally
the documents look very good and are agreeable to me with some
very minor changes. First, my legal name is "Bradford W.
Christensen, MD, Ph.D, SOB" not "Brad Christensen."
Please have Scotty make this change in three places on the Mutual
Agreement and three places on the Affidavit of Claim/Power of
Also, I would prefer greater specificity in Paragraph (v) of
the Mutual Agreement. Instead of saying "until the arrival
of Princess Maria Ajo in his country," please reword to say
"until the arrival of Princess Maria Ajo in Gila Bend, Arizona."
My country is a big place and I don't want my princess to escape
to the bright lights and glitz of places like Duluth or Dubuque.
I assure you, my doublewide high atop the landfill in scenic
Gila Bend will feel like home to you. In preparation for your
grand arrival, I have purchased a brand new super-size can of
Glade and a year's supply of flypaper. And please don't worry
about mice. The coyotes and snakes have taken care of that problem.
As you can tell, I am looking forward to your arrival with great
anticipation and am sparing no expense.
>>> princess maria 07/24/02 04:55AM
I received the corrections and as soon as I
sending this email, I will forward the information to
Mr Scotty in his office ths morning before I go back
to the palace.
My Lovely Princess:
Thanks, and by the way, I sent Scotty an e-mail as well. Since
he now has two virtually identical e-mails, I hope he doesn't
think he's struggling with a spell of double-vision. With my hunting
accident and loss of an eye, I no longer have that problem, even
if I drink all night long. Unfortunately sometimes everything
gets black and I suddenly collapse. But please, Princess, do not
worry about my health. I have taken precautions against injury
by stapling sheets of foam rubber to the doublewide's walls and
throwing an extra layer of sawdust on the floor. While this may
be more information than you need to know about me, I promise
you'll enjoy life to the fullest in Gila Bend. Bye for now. I
must visit the Port-O-San.
>>> princess maria 07/25/02 04:51AM
I am in contact with Mr SCotty and he promised
reach you this morning as he was unable to do that
yesterday. AS I told you earlier, he is a very busy
person though, am sure he is giving this transaction a
I wait to hear the confirmation of receipt of
Scotty's email and attacchment.
My Wonderfully Beautiful Princess:
Scotty beamed the amended documents to me this morning. They
look fine, although they lack standard Non-Severability and Sanity
Clauses, which in this case may be fine because I don't believe
in Sanity Claus.
For some reason I was just thinking of Christmas and I hope you'll
be here to celebrate it with me in the mansion on the hill. I
have found a charming creosote bush to drag in and decorate for
the occasion. I anticipate a wonderful feast since I live near
the Interstate. Nature always supplies bountiful provisions, as
long as you get them while they're fresh. I generally have friends
over, and after dinner we have a great party in which everybody
laughs and drinks shots out of my socket. We have a wonderful
time as long as the guests don't suck too hard and give me a migraine.
I will send the documents to Scotty right away!
>>> princess maria 07/26/02 05:27AM
I have really learnt a lot of joke from you
always laugh each time I read from you. Your wife must
be enjoying so much. (laugh)
I appreciate your cooperation so far and I hope
shall be through very soon. Off I go back to the
palace. Thank God I will rest this weekend, no event.
Have a nice day.
Dearest Beautiful (but ungrateful?) Princess:
I have asked Scotty to provide me with his fax number so I may
return the documents to him. However, I am having some second
thoughts about this venture because I am confused by your last
e-mail. I am not married and it seems you are belittling my efforts
to make you feel welcome in my country. I am not joking when I
say the lifestlye and accommodations I am preparing for you indeed
are fit for royalty, when compared with the rest of Gila Bend.
I am not a court jester or a clown who is simply joking around.
My intentions are pure and I was hoping you would be
smitten with me by now. Instead you are sounding ungrateful, calloused
>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/27/02 02:13AM
Yes, my fax number is 234-1-7595331. Please,
and fax so that, I will start working on the approvals
by monday. My phone is also 234-1-7753681. However, I
will try to call you probably by monday.
I have faxed the documents this morning. However, I am very much
bothered by the flippant and insensitive attitude of the Princess,
who has made fun of my elaborate efforts to arrange suitable accommodations
for her in Gila Bend. I believe I deserve an apology from the
>>> princess maria 07/29/02 08:09AM
I can understand how you feel and am sorry if
offended. Not that I am not grateful or that I doubt
you in any way, it is just that, I always find it very
difficult in expressing my feelings. So many people
had been annoyed with me before concerning this issue
of been ungrateful.
Consequently, I have told you about my orientation
the palace which made me to always look naive of
certain social issues.
Believe me, I am grateful and will continue
to be as
long as you still maintain your promises to me now and
when I get to US.
More so, am in contact with Mr Scotty and he
had written you sending the requested fax number to
Hope to read from you tomorrow.
I am sincerely yours,
My Once-Again Beautiful Princess:
Thank you for your wonderful apology. I only wish I could have
received it on Friday, for it would have spared me a sad and emotionally
frustrating weekend in the mansion on the hill. I wept for several
hours on Saturday, tears streaming out of my good eye and a thick,
yellowish discharge oozing from my socket. But today, it is as
if I have been reborn! Thanks again for your e-mail. I promise
that before you come I will purchase an eye patch. I will look
like a handsome pirate and you will be my bawdy strumpet. Oh,
what a glorious time we will have as I unleash my mighty sword
and chase you around the mansion on the hill! I am counting the
days until we meet. I'm also stocking up on Viagra, for that sword
has grown a tad rusty in the past decade or two. As always,
Princess Maria sent me a very gracious letter of apology today,
showing that she indeed does have a kind heart and very good sense.
I am eager to get started in this lucrative business opportunity
and successful long-term partnership with the Princess.
>>> princess maria 07/30/02 01:00AM
Nice to hear from you this morning. Infact,
I had to
come out earlier today to read from you as you
reported me to Mr Scotty yesterday. Anyway, I
appreciate your acceptance of my apology, am so happy
I really feel am already with you and do not
much about your eye problem as I know is not your
fault. I value your inner person more than the mere
physical appearance and I think, that is what make up
Dear Brad, guess what!!! my birth is on the
August. I just taught of having you arround for the
celebration or will you send me any birth day present?
I will appreciate it if you can.
My mom and sister extends their regards and
to you and I hope to reading from you tomorrow.
I remain yours,
My Dear Wonderful Princess:
Do not worry about Scotty. In another e-mail yesterday I told
him about your gracious apology and how much it was appreciated.
Also, I agree fully with your statement about inner beauty. I
wish more people adopted your deep philosophy regarding human
relations and life. We would have a much better world.
Unfortunately few people share our beliefs. Therefore I purchased
a fine black velvet eye patch yesterday, as well as a dozen bottles
of Captain Morgan Rum. The eye patch actually has a picture of
a pirate on it that glows in the dark! I hereby invite my bawdy
buxom Princess to visit Gila Bend for a proper birthday celebration
in the foam-padded pleasure palace on the hill! You will not have
to worry about security here. The mansion is in Gila Bend's most
fashionable gated community, with the finest razor wire and chain-link
fencing available, plus signs that ensure privacy. Please see
the attached photo. I also promise to hire Squiggy, the compost
man, to stand guard while you are here. Before you arrive, I will
need to tell you more about Squiggy so you will not be alarmed.
Be sure to remind me about this.
However, if you are not yet ready for a visit to bountiful Gila
Bend, perhaps we might rendezvous somewhere else. I am open for
suggestions. I eagerly await your response, my tawdry tart.
Dear Mr Bradford,
We are very sorry for the delay. The federal
court rejected the faxed copy of the legal document. I
advise you print out the copy, sign, scan and send
back to me as email attachment.
I wait to receiving the email as soon as possible.
Concerning what you said about Princess, donÆt
her, she is only a kid and have not been exposed to
social life. It is very important we talk on phone and
I want you to call me as I have tried several times to
call you all to no avail. My telephone number is
>>> princess maria 07/31/02 06:31AM
Too nice to read from you today and am so happy
all your preparations for my birthday celebration
coming up on the 10/08/02.I equally appreciate the
attachment there in. It look nice.
Unfortunately, I can't make it to Gila Bend
are able to transfer this money to you.Neverthless, am
happy and sure that you are in the mood of the
celebration with me.
Dear Brad, what about a birthday present, will
send any to me? I will appreciate it if you can.
Mr Scotty called me few mins ago and said the
rejected the docuement you sent to him because, it
wasn't very clear. Evidently, the agreement note
wasn't clear as well. He was suggesting your sending
to us as an email attachment. Hope you will undestand.
I wait to hear from you soon.
My Dearest Buxom Princess & Scotty:
I am writing to you both. Scotty, as I mentioned in a previous
e-mail to you, the Princess indeed has apologized in a very gracious
and heartfelt manner for her past behavior. Secondly, when you
call me, please use the password "Carp" when speaking
with the receptionist and she'll put you right through. Be mindful
the password changes weekly (last week it was "Scrod").
I am a very busy man and therefore must screen my calls to escape
the barrage of telemarketers. Some guy named Ed McMahon keeps
calling from Publisher's Clearinghouse, but I refuse to talk to
Regarding the request to scan the signed documents, I don't know
how to do this, but will see what I can do. Due to the highly
confidential nature of our business relationship, I do not want
to delegate this task to a staff member. Seems you tell one and
within minutes all 50,000 of my employees know. Should I try faxing
Princess: You indeed are the dearest and most delightful trollop
around. You need not travel all the way to Gila Bend to celebrate
your birthday with me. We can select a closer location. My company
is authorized to fly me anywhere in the world except the continent
of Africa due to the unfortunate involvement of a former employee
in an elephant tusk-smuggling scheme. The south of France is lovely
this time of year. So is Italy. And romantic Iceland offers the
crepuscular glow of whale-oil lamps and tasty walrus nuggets.
The choice is yours, dear.
>>> Mr Nnanna Scotty 07/31/02
Dear Brad ,
Your mail has been received, and I understand
in exposing this transaction to another person
including your workers.
Please Fax the document to 234 9 2720168 with
will be ok.
Please as soon as you fax it let me know.
Please princess will call you by 7.30 pm Nigerian
My Dear Voluptuous Princess:
Thanks for your call. Believe me when I say It was an enormous
pleasure for me to speak with you on the phone. But I cannot understand
why you ended the conversation by simply hanging up without saying
"Good Bye." Was it something I said??
Are you sure you can't break away for a visit in France or Iceland?
Regarding Gila Bend, it my be just as well that you can't come
right away. We experienced some ground subsidence difficulties
last night and the mansion on the hill currently is slanted at
about a 40-degree angle. All of the fruit crates and other furniture
slid violently to the northern wall of the doublewide. Fortunately
the foam padding I stapled up saved it, and me, from major damages.
I should have anticipated this calamity because I have been pumping
water from beneath the landfill for many years without any effort
to recharge it. It is wonderful drinking water, really, and still
very tasty after you strain and boil it.
In an effort to level the mansion, I have put Squiggy to work
digging underneath the southern foundation. This may take some
time, however, and your August 10 birthday is right around the
corner. Eventually you will be able to make the trip, and when
you do, I know you will be the finest trull in all of Gila Bend.
Regarding your comments about a well-deserved present, please
provide me with your ring and clothing sizes right away!
Finally, tell Scotty that on my second try the fax went through
to his new number.
With profound love and adoration,